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"In our relationship, I need to feel genuinely and steadily loved - i.e. to feel… ● special to, and prized by you among all your other relationships and priorities; ● needed emotionally and physically by you, but not over-needed (codependence); ● respected and appreciated by you; ● liked and enjoyed by you, often enough; ● heard empathically (vs. agreed with) by you, often enough; ● trusted with your deepest current dreams, fears, shames, doubts, and joys; ● I need to trust that you'll always tell me your truth, and... ● companioned by you, as we co-create an interesting, growthful life together; ● accepted by you, with all my priorities, wounds, needs, and limitations; ● encouraged by you to free my true Self and discover my life purpose ● separate enough from you, so I can have my own friends, activities, goals, and identity." When one or both partners don't get enough of these needs filled often enough, their relationship decays. Lessons 1 thru 4 here offer practical ways mates can fill their primary-relationship needs despite significant problems. |
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