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Premise: it's essential for divorcing bioparents to explain factually to each minor or grown child why their family disintegrated, in age-appropriate language. Kids need to know this in order to grieve their losses well, adjust to shuttling between two homes, and build healthy relation-ships with new step-kin. This doesn't mean bioparents should blame their former partner or themselves. It means each mom and dad should work toward... ● Clearly understanding why they divorced, ● Grieving their respective losses and forgiving themselves and each other; ● patiently encouraging each child to be receptive to hearing this; then... ● Summarizing the main reasons for their divorce factually for each child, in age-appropriate terms; and... ● Listening to their kids' reactions empathically, without judgment, ex- cuses, or guilty defensiveness. Until wounded co-parents are in true recovery, they often have a hard time doing these steps honestly. Not doing them risks psychologically wounding dependent kids, enduring significant barriers between ex-mates; and increasing stepfamily tensions. Study Lesson 4 to better understand why any primary relationship fails. |
Stepfamily Reality 32 - Kids Need to Know...