About Being "Shame-Based"

     Typical people raised in low-nurturance childhoods seem to bear two to six psychological wounds. The wound of excessive shame (feeling worthless, in-ept, and unlovable) is so painful, typical Grown Wounded Children (GWCs) develop a variety of defenses against it - e.g. reality distortion, distraction, pro-jection ("You're worthless, not me!"), repression (numbing), and self-medica-tion. They may appear socially self confident and self-respecting, but beha-vioral clues suggest that's a skillful pretense.

     Excessive shame seems to be caused by the neglected young child de-veloping a personality subself who carries intense feelings of worthlessness, unlovability, and self-disgust - the Shamed Child. To soothe and com-fort this powerful Inner Child, the person also develops some tireless Guardian sub-selves. Until the wise true Self solidly manages the person's personality, these well-intentioned Guardian subselves often control her or his perceptions and actions without their awareness. Such GWCs can be called "shame-based," to distinguish them from others who are fear-based, excessively guilty, or other.

     A high percentage of average divorcing and stepfamily adults appear to be shame-based or fear-based - and don't (want to) know that. This promotes rai-sing wounded descendents. Once admitted, all six psychological wounds can be significantly reduced by patient work at personal recovery. One healing goal becomes helping the Shamed Child develop genuine self love, and redirecting the protective Guardian subselves to more helpful personality "jobs" (roles). Here, Lesson 1 focuses on identifying and reducing psychological wounds.