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Have you known a minor child who was unusually sober, serious, and responsible for her or his age? Such kids usually (a) come from low-nurt-urance families, and (b) feel they must protect and guide their (wounded) caregivers and other siblings because no one else will. With c/overt care-giver encouragement, such kids develop a strong "Little Adult" personality subself which feels constantly responsible for other family members' welfare and comfort, and "keeping the family together." This prevents the child from experiencing normal childhood development. David Elkind's book The Hurried Child describes this, tho it doesn't acknowledge personality sub-selves. Such kids can grow into over-responsible, controlling, codependent adults, who feel excessive guilt if they don't ignore their own needs (self neglect) to prevent and reduce other people's problems. By definition, adults strongly influenced by a Little Adult and related subselves are wounded and have a disabled true Self. They may become increasingly frustrated and "un-happy" at not achieving balanced, interdependent primary relationships. They may also unconsciously shame their own children for "being selfish," "immature," not "taking care of other people." Project 1 in this nonprofit Web site offers an effective framework of ideas, options, and resources to help reduce false-self wounds and harmonize personality subselves over time under their true Self's guidance. detail / slides / Project-1 guidebook & links / Q&A / skeptical? / close |
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