Toward effective counseling and therapy with individuals, co-parents, and families
	Key Definitions and Terms Let's Talk the Same Language! p. 2 of 5 By Peter K. Gerlach, MSW

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The Web address of this page is https://sfhelp.org/pro/basics/terms.htm

        This research-based, nonprofit Web site (https://sfhelp.org) exists to improve the nurturance level of typical divorcing families and stepfamilies and reduce epidemic American re/divorce. This page is one of a subseries on effective professional (clinical / legal / pastoral / educational / medical / media) work with these families. In these articles, "co-parent" means any part-time or full-time caregiving adult in a divorcing family or stepfamily. The "/" in re/marriage and re/divorce notes it may be a stepparent's first union. Clicking any link in these pages will open a popup or new window. Use your browser's "back" button with the latter to return here. These articles for professionals are under construction.

        These definitions are not offered as absolutes. They aim to help you understand what I mean in the articles in this site, and to promote clarity on your own definitions. Premise: the terms you use in your thoughts and clinical conversations can significantly aid or impede the effectiveness of your work. See this lay glossary for more terms. Do you routinely pay attention to your and others' language and usage in important situations?

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Effective Stepfamily Therapy happens when (a) all extended stepfamily members directly and indirectly affected by the therapeutic process feel clear that the quality of their lives has significantly increased, (b)  everyone agrees that further therapy isn't needed now, and (c) all professionals involved (e.g. supervisors, consultants, and program directors and funders) feel that their primary professional needs have been met well enough with this client family.

        Optional criteria include the clinician/s and participating stepfamily members agreeing honestly that because of the therapeutic process, the client nuclear stepfamily is clearly developing more...

• of the traits of a high-nurturance family, and...

• more key stepfamily strengths. Key refers to primary factors contributing to (a) the original presenting problems, and (b) long-term relationship-problem prevention.

If this definition doesn't work for you, can you say your definition of "effective stepfamily therapy" out loud now?

<< terms index >>

Personality - This site centers on promoting intra- personality harmony, so mental and verbal clarity on "personality" is vital. In these articles and guidebooks, the word means ...

 "The whole ever-changing mosaic of an infant's, child's, or adult's
unique traits that make that person unique from other persons." 

These traits include core values, priorities, preferences, reflexes, motives, beliefs, attitudes, needs, and self-perceptions that shape how a person characteristically reacts to perceived changes in their inner and outer environments. 

        Core premises here are that a human personality or psyche or self, (small "s")...

• is not a single "monolithic" aspect of our Being, but a multiplistic or polylithic (many-sided) dynamic system of subselves; which...

• changes in significant ways over time, and...

• evolves from our unique organic, dynamic mix of neurological + hormonal + cellular + spiritual elements over time. Some of these are predetermined by DNA inheritance, and others are significantly shaped by our life experience between conception and our first ~ four to six years of life. And our personalities...

• are situationally and chronically guided by one or more subselves - which seem to be semi-independent neural regions. These brain regions or Parts are like a web of interactive minicomputers. They have no widely-accepted name yet. Historically, they've been called by many lay and clinical names:

See John Rowan's helpful book "Subpersonalities - the People Inside Us" (Routledge, 1989) for well-researched historic and clinical perspective on this.

        And our "personality" ...

is accessible and reflexive - i.e. our subselves can (a) be subjectively, judgmentally aware of each other and the whole team, (b) communicate with each other and other personalities (people), and (c) react unconsciously and consciously to inner and outer perceptions and sensations;

is exquisitely interactive with our physical (bodily) systems in ways we're un/aware of; and your personality ...

can experience itself at any moment between  (chaotic / out of control / disorganized / frantic / panicked / hysterical...) > (numb / blah / empty ) > (centered / harmonious / grounded / serene / calm / clear / sure /...)  > (enraptured / transcendent / enlightened  / at One); and our personalities...

are not innately good or bad. The effects of our personality's behavior on our wholistic health and on living things around us can be judged nurturing (promoting wholistic health, growth, and full potential) to toxic or harmful (inhibiting these things).

        Thus the word personality denotes a group (or team, troupe, troop, corps, gang, community, congregation, squad, tribe, clan, committee, band, and family) of interrelated, goal-directed parts or subselves. The words I, me, my, myself, you, your, and yourself, can refer to (a) the whole (mind + body + spirit) entity, or (b) the whole inner family, or (c) the current false self, or (d) the true Self. "Selfish" can refer to "the welfare of all my subselves and body" or to any or all of the currently-dominant subselves. Clarifying current mental and spoken terminology can be vital in resolving major conflicts and doing inner-family systemic therapy ("parts work") with all clients - which requires stable personal awareness .

<< terms index >>

Dissociation and "Multiplicity"- In this site, "dissociation" means "the normal human reflexive (automatic) response to major discomfort or overwhelm (inner-family hysteria and chaos)." This response (a) locally or chronically alters sensory experience and perception, and (b) results from a shift in which  distrustful subselves (a well-meaning, survival-motivated false self) takes over the person's true Self.

        This occurs via the survival reflex that Dr. Richard Schwartz and CSL colleagues call blending. This happens when one or more subselves activate, and distrust the Self's ability to handle the local situation or don't know that the Self exists. The activated part/s merge with or override the Self, and/or take over its executive function. This blending is unconscious, instantaneous, and survival-motivated. It results in subtle or obvious "mood shifts" and minor to major physiological, perceptual, and behavioral changes. When the blended person thinks and says "I," they are (sincerely) reporting what the false self believes, perceives, and feels. Prior to "parts work," some ruling Vulnerable or Guardian subselves are usually unaware of the Self, and believe they are the "true self," or "I."

        Blending ("dissociating," or "splitting") can be ...

• a momentary process that "self-extinguishes" when the triggering stimulus is perceived to subside enough, or... 

• gradually relaxed over time when anxiety about the possible recurrence of the trigger drops below some conscious or unconscious threshold, or...

• the person becomes self-aware of their disabled Self, and consciously works to "unblend," calm the excited false-self personality parts, and restore their inner leader to stable executive control. 

Helping clients learn to do the latter intentionally is the goal of inner-family systemic ("IFS") therapy.

        The classic phenomenon illustrating the extreme human dissociative (blending) state is Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), formerly "Multiple Personality Disorder" - DSM-IV, pp 484-487 (American Psychiatric Association, Washington D.C., 1994). Clinical literature is beginning to adopt the term "multiplicity" to mean the human ability to develop multiple semi-autonomous "selves" without necessarily being pathological. See the clinical resource list for an array of titles on this normal trait.

In my study of stepfamilies, recovery from childhood trauma, and IFS therapy, I conclude that... moderate-to-major false-self wounding is our unrecognized cultural norm, and... divorce, remarriage, and redivorce are sure symptoms of one or all partners and co-parents being significantly dominated by a false self.

        These adults - and most professionals serving them - are unaware of this psychological adaptation to childhood neglect, and its major personal, family, and social implications. I know of no formal research that validates or refutes this conclusion. Restated: I know of no researchers studying the related fields of divorced-family and stepfamily dynamics +  dissociative disorders + "Adult Child" recovery from "toxic parenting" (i.e. from low childhood emotional/spiritual nurturance.) If you do, please contact me. I believe such research is vitally needed!

terms index

Inner Family Systems (IFS) Therapy - An experientially and conceptually-based protocol of therapeutic assessment and intervention with significantly dissociated clients. The goal is respectfully empowering them to become aware of, accept, and harmonize their inner family (personality) under the expert natural guidance of their true Self + accessible benign spiritual  sources (Higher Self, Higher Power, etc.). See Dr. Richard Schwartz, (Internal Family Systems Therapy, Guilford Press, 1995), and "The Mosaic Mind - Empowering the Tormented Selves of Child Abuse Victims", by Richard C. Schwartz and Regina A. Goulding (W.W. Norton, 1995).

        Many philosophers (e.g. Plato) and mental health workers (Janet, Freud, Jung, Carl Rogers, and Virginia Satir) have theorized about "multiplicity" for hundreds of years. For many reasons, the old concept of a monolithic personality as "healthy" and "normal" has persisted in the public's and mental-health workers' awarenesses until very recently (e.g. ~ 1980). As audio and video recordings of "dissociated" clients and treatments proliferate - helped by the Internet - we may be at the beginning of another paradigm shift like the one where interactional (marital, family, and group) and systemic therapy is transcended psychoanalysis. 

        Some IFS variants are "Inner Voice Dialog" therapy (Stone and Winkleman, 1989); "Ego States" Watkins & Watkins, 1997, and others); (some) Psychodrama; Psychosynthesis (Roberto Assagioli, 1965, 2000); various D.I.D. intervention schema, usually aiming at personality integration or fusion of alters (subselves); Transactional Analysis variations (Berne, 1971); and "Cast of Characters" therapy (Sandra Watanabe - Contemporary Family Therapy, 8, 75-78., 1986).

        The books by Schwartz and Rowan include bibliographies of scores of international clinicians and researchers exploring "multiplicity" concepts and their clinical applications over the last 150 years. 

terms index

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Updated January 16, 2015