Clicking links below will open a full window or an informational popup,
so please turn off your
browser's popup blocker or allow popups from this nonprofit Web site.
This is one of over 150 articles focused on breaking the [wounds
+ unawareness] cycle, building
family relationships, and
preventing divorce. This
introduction describes the Web site's purpose and the best ways to
use its resources. Each article is part of a
mosaic of ideas, so the more
you read, the more sense they'll all make.
These articles augment, vs. replace, other
professional help.
Before continuing, reflect: why are you reading this -
what do you
What's the Problem?
I
have studied stepfamily dynamics professionally since 1979. In my experience,
few authors, journalists, reporters, and
radio, TV, and Website editors, producers, and executives have meaningful
training in stepfamily (low-nurturance) realities,
and needs. This poses a
paradox:
and
re/marrying co-parents or supporters...
-
don't know what they need to know,
and...
-
they look to media and
human-service professionals for remarital and stepfamily information.
Lacking
stepfamily background and training, such professionals
typically can't discern qualified sources of accurate, practical,
re/marital and stepfamily
knowledge.
The articles
in this non-profit site and the related
guidebooks are based on
29 years'
professional research and clinical experience. Typical deadline-conscious media professionals and over-busy co-parents don't
have time to study the full scope of this information and integrate what it
all
|
Premise: regardless of the focus of your stepfamily-related
project,
you, your editors, producers, and directors,
and your audience need to know some basics for context and perspective.
This article attempts to distill
those things. Many of the links below lead to summaries, and all links lead
to more detail. |
Before reading further,
-
review these slide
presentations on the [wounds + unawareness]
cycle and
stepfamily basics, and then...
-
take
these
with an open mind. Then...
-
imagine how
your editor/s, producer/s, colleagues, and audience would react to each of
them.
Review my background to decide whether I'm a credible authority. As you do, notice
your decision criteria. Option: read this (typical) unsolicited
testimony and
this one. For your perspective, in my study since 1979, I have never
encountered...
-
a stepfamily researcher with my formal
engineering, business, and human-dynamics training, and personal and clinical experience; or...
-
these
fundamental premises and the system of
concepts below.
I have developed them independent of
any past or present organization, with the exception of part of the content
of
(effective communication skills).
Basic Background
on Stepfamilies
For an overview, scan the titles of these
basic articles. They span the most
important topics that (I believe) average stepfamily adults and
supporters need to learn - ideally starting in courtship. Note the scope as well as the individual
topics, and return here.
Then browse the popups, articles, and slide presentations below.
You're welcome to cite any
materials here with this attribution: the author is Peter K.
Gerlach, MSW; and the source is the nonprofit
Web site "Break the Cycle!," (
"Stepfamily
inFormation")
www.sfhelp.org. Each article includes its Web address at the top.
-
stepfamily
facts and
statistics
(a different Web site).
-
A sketch of
typical co-parents and kids before re/wedding
-
How typical multi-home
are
to intact biofamilies, and ~60 ways they
differ
-
Who
to a
-
a real-life example of a three-home
-
Why
adults and kids acknowledging their
stepfamily
and what it
is
vital
-
(Scan) 60 common stepfamily
myths and
typical realities
-
How typical stepfamilies
develop, and how that
compares to typical intact-biofamily development
-
Overviews of normal
subselves, false and true
family
and false-self
-
Healthy-grieving
basics, and how (and why) to evolve a
family
-
Five widespread stepfamily
hazards, and 12 Projects co-parents can work at to offset them.
(slides)
-
Common surface stepfamily problems, and the
primary problems that cause them.
-
A summary of what typical minor stepkids
need
-
16 common pre-re/wedding (courtship)
-
How stepparenting
differs from traditional
bioparenting
-
Effective
stepparenting (slides)
-
Typical
to co-parenting teamwork between stepfamily adults
-
Key questions
that typical stepfamily adults should ask (and brief answers)
-
Effective co-parenting
fundamentals (multiple articles)
-
(scan)
solutions to ~100 common
stepfamily surface "problems," by category
-
Practical
alternatives to re/divorce (4
Web pages)
-
perspective on choosing credible,
practical stepfamily
books and
sources
-
selected stepfamily
resources
-
this site's
overview, directory, and
map
Stepfamily Authorities
Many
lay and professional people have opinions about stepfamily
dynamics, problems, and solutions. Most of these people lack the depth and scope of knowledge and experience to qualify as
true "experts." I acknowledge my strong bias, based on
29 years of
full-time professional stepfamily research and clinical experience.
Note the difference between
sociologists (e.g. Andrew Cherlin, Frank Furstenburg, and Paul Glick)
who have studied and analyzed remarital and stepfamily statistics, trends, and demographics; and
clinical authorities who study how stepfamily
function.
The
most credible authorities on stepfamily
dynamics, and education
I've found since 1979 include...
-
James H. Bray, PhD
-
Scott Browning, PhD
-
Marilyn Coleman, PhD
-
Elizabeth Einstein, MA, MFT
-
Lawrence Ganong, PhD
-
E. Mavis Heatherington. PhD
-
Jean McBride, LMFT
|
-
Margaret Newman (in
Australia)
-
Patricia Papernow, Ed.D.
-
Kay Pasley, PhD
-
Clifford Sager, PhD
-
Emily Visher, PhD (deceased)
-
John Visher, MD (retired)
|
These are people who's
clinical knowledge and work I'm familiar with, and/or respect by
reputation. There are surely others who qualify
as moderate to full stepfamily experts.
|
As a media professional, you're in a rare position to alert your
audience to the pervasive
[wounds + unawareness] cycle that I believe stresses most American families (not
just stepfamilies). For options on how you can help to reduce this
cycle and it's toxic effects, read this and
this. |
I'm glad to
talk with you about any of this if
you wish. I'm not able to refer you to stepfamilies to
interview. I suggest to find such families, check the self-help
groups
here, divorce-recovery groups and sites, and the
Web sites and chat rooms
serving stepfamilies and stepparents.
+ + +
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