Living most days controlled by rioting, impulsive short-sighted
false selves is like being
on a moving bus
with a mob of noisy passengers constantly fighting to control the steering wheel,
brakes, and accelerator, disregarding the skilled driver and arguing over
directions and rest stops. Living with frequent or constant
inner conflict and anxiety is also like being in...
anorchestra or choir whoís
skilled, temperamental performers often disregard the conductor and try to
force their ideas of leadership on each other; or like...
atroupe of feisty, passionate, insecure actors who disrespect or distrust the director, and
often about who's to play what role, how, and who gets the credit; or
team whose players donít trust each other or their coach, and constantly argue and fight for control of what to play, when, and how;
a chaotic, reactive classroom of
students who disrespect, distrust, and ignore the teacher.
Think of these analogies when you read "false-self control" in this Web site.
Parts work (inner-family
therapy) aims tofree your true Self and other
in all situations and relationships. Subgoals are to...
_ accept the reality
of having a normal
multi-part personality. Then...
_ identify your three pr four types of subselves
and which of them distrust your Self; and...
_ Identify any subselves living in the
past, and bring them safely into the present; and...
subselves' awareness, trust, and cooperation to
wise Self (capital "S") and other Manager subselves and your Higher Power to lead in all situations; so over
time, you can...
_ steadilyenjoy yourself,
relationships and daily life, as you use
your unique personal talents and gifts
to benefit your3 family and the world.
If you live this way now,
congratulations! Thereís no need for you to read further, unless you're
on Earth to teach and/or heal
Caution: a clever ("Magician") subself may convince you that you're living harmoniously
when you really aren't. Reality check - ask several trusted adults who know you
well if you often display these true-Self
Five Phases of "Parts Work"
Each person will develop their own style of inner team-building and wound
reduction. There is no right way: success is measured by the results
you experience over time (p. 6). You can do parts work (a) by yourself, (b) with a trained
helper, and/or (c) with one or more supportive, informed partners
like a recovery group.
process of inner team-building (''recovery") can be divided into five phases. Though you can skip around, I
suggest that following the order of the steps below is
most efficient in the long run.
The phases are:
Prepare - study Lesson 1 and validate
the reality of personality subselves;
Assess yourself for psychological wounds, and
Gather resources for the work
Free your true Self to guide you ("recover"); and then...
Extend parts-work to your key relationships
Here's more detail on each phase. These ideas
are guidelines, not absolutes. The phases can overlap, and you can tailor them to
fit your unique situation as the healing and learning process unfolds:
all four Parts in
Lesson 1 in this nonprofit Web site.
Do the "assignments" in order, one at a time.
playlists of summary YouTube videos that augment articles in all
seven Break-the-Cycle! Lessons. Many of these Web articles and worksheets
include one or more summary videos. Do not use the videos as a
substitute for patiently studying and applying these online self-improvement
_When you can "pass" this
about personality subselves, wounds, and recovery, youíre ready to
assess yourself for psychological wounds and learn about parts work.
Ifyou doubt the reality of personality subselves and
their effects on your thoughts, behaviors and health; read this
to you, and try this safe, interesting exercise.
If you (your false self) still doubt subselves' reality, stop here.
The rest of this article and Lesson 1 will not help you at this
If you're a (grand)parent, consider that freeing your Self and
breaking the [wounds + unawareness] cycle is a priceless life-long
gift to your living and future kids.
Phase 2) Assess Yourself for
_ Assess whether
you're dominated "too often" by false selves - i.e. assess if you're a
Grown Wounded Child
(GWC). Do this with the attitude that you didn't
ask for or cause these psychological injuries, and your unaware parents and ancestors
didn't mean to
pass them on to you.
feel you are wounded (controlled by false selves in important situations and
you were probably raised in a
low-nurturance family by
wounded caregivers, and...
you are a normal GWC,
merits no shame or guilt, and...
Affirm that you are not - and never were - "sick" or "crazy;"
youcanfree your true Self
guide you and reduce your wounds over
this outline of how psychological wounds
affect average people, andsee if you
relate to some of the effects in your own life.
if you're ready to commit to wound reduction as a major life priority.
This often depends on whether you've hit
true bottom yet. If you haven't, read the rest of this article for awareness, and apply
it when you're ready.
Recall - you're reading an overview of the five phases of
_ Decide if youíll use a
as a place where some of your subselves can vent
and record your experiences and discoveries. I recommend it, even if a
(protective) part says "Oh, I canít write!" Parts work is about
trying new things safely and learning...
_ Choose inspiring
or models: From all the people you know or knew, identify one or
wholistically healthy, self-confidant, nurturing, productive persons whose life philosophy and actions
(vs. occupation or credentials) you specially admire. If practical, ask
if s/he will mentor you in this work.
at some point, select a professional
counselor or coachwho (a)
understands and agrees with the Lesson-1 concepts
here, and (b) is interested in guiding you toward freeing your Self and
harmonizing your subselves;
_ Vividlyrecall any experiences you've had as a member of a
well-functioning, well-led group, class, committee, or team. As you
proceed, use this memory to imagine what your subselves
will feel when they're all...
clear on your life goals and their roles in
your inner team,
living in the present, and...
trusting your Self and other Manager parts, and
Higher Power to lead,
encourage, and protect them;
Image your results. review"What
specific personal life-changes you want to make with effective parts work.
Imagine your daily life
and relationships in detail
after you meet and harmonize your inner family. Refer to this
image often as you progress.
Rank how important freeing your
true Self is to you now. Decide what other life activities and responsibilities
are more important, and whether you want to allocate
regular time to free your Self to guide you. Be alert for scared
trying to deflect and dissuade you from doing this vital healing.
_ Pick initial
Decide whoís safe to share your early parts work with, and
what youíre willing to disclose. Stay alert for one or more people who...
have similar personal healing and growth goals,
are open to the
inner-family (subself) concept, and...
want to exchanging support and encouragement
along the way.
_Option - research your community and/or the Web for a
high-nurturance recovery group of like-minded people - ideally led by
someone who's Self is clearly
in charge.Consider joining this free,
FaceBook group of fellow GWCs
Free Your True Self to Guide You
_ Over several months,
use stressful and pleasant life situations to (a)
discover which of your subselves are most impactful, and to (b)
develop the specific parts-work skills described below. Your main goals are to...
_ Pick a
comfortable label for
all your parts together: myteam, family,
troop, troupe, gang, orchestra, choir, expeditionary
community, committee, clan, squad, crew,
_ Pick a title for your inner leader
that feels right - e.g. my Self, Coach, CEO, President, Leader, Exec,
Director, Conductor, Chair(wo)man, Chief, Guide, ___________
roster of all your
and profile each one
- (e.g. type, gender, age, role, talent/s, alliances, needs, and
Some people create a spreadsheet to do this.
As safety and trust grow, suspicious, disguised, and
reclusive subselves will reveal themselves at different points along the
way. A useful reference concept is called the
Use internal interviews (p. 6) to identify the young and
Guardian subselves who distrust your Self and cause each
identified. Also identify any parts living in the past.
Practice asking yourself
''Who's in charge?'''
at random times of the day and night. Over time, you'll develop
an instinctual sense of when your true Self is or isn't making your
proactive strategies to reduce each of your wounds over time, using your
resources (above), these Lesson-1 checklists, and the parts-work techniques outlined in this
_ Identify any disowned
(rejected, excluded, denied) subselves, and patiently encourage them to become
valued, respected members of your
inner family in the present.
_ Help each of your Inner Kids realize they're part of a caring family of subselves. Connect them
with each other and your Manager subselves - specially your
(Good Parent) and
Practical Adult. The aim is to help each
young subself live
in the present, grieve past losses, and learn to trust that they are
valued, safe, and cared for. Some clinicians call this process
_ Reorganize and team-build your inner
family. Introduce all
parts to each other, your Self, and your Higher Power, over time.
Patiently build mutual trust, group
awareness, purpose, teamwork, and
pride among all your subselves a step at
needy Inner Kids grow to trust your Self, your
Nurturer/s your Wise
(spiritual) One/s and
reliable people around you, negotiate new roles
for their Guardians. Option: try
council meetings (p. 6) with your Self presiding. Have you
chaired team meetings in real life? Do you know someone who's talented
_ Celebrate your progress periodically,
pace yourself along the way, and balance your recovery work with your other responsibilities and priorities. This will
get easier as your work progresses and your Self leads more often.
Continue to do steady
or situational parts work as long as it feels useful. Some
people use it only for resolving one problem, like managing an addiction
or stressful relationship. Others spend several years freeing and
developing their true Self and related inner harmony and productivity. You
can do the work steadily or in periods with "rest stops" as needed.
As your Self gains group trust, inner conflicts and anxieties drop - and so does the need to "do" parts work.
you experience the very real personal and family benefits of, parts work,
it may become a personal
philosophy and a way of life for you. As you gain experience with the
Phase 5) Extend Parts Work to Key Relationships
_ Learn to recognize other peopleís subselves in action, and use
your inner-family knowledge to improve your relationships with them. The
most satisfying personal relationships are those between two true Selves and
their well-functioning inner families. That and common values and dreams
may be what causes "soul mates."
The most powerful social application
of parts work is teaching young kids about subselves and how they
work. Kids are often faster than adults at picking up the idea of "little
people" inside and working with them. A child who understands her/his true
Self and false self (e.g. Alex #1 and Alex #2) will have a great personal
and social advantage over unaware kids and wounded adults. Accepting the
reality of subselves and where they come from usually breeds tolerance and
compassion in typical conflicts.
+ + +
These five phases and the
various techniques described below look like stand-alone projects. In real
life, they overlap, and - like grief and adolescence - seldom have clear end-points. Parts work is an organic
spiral over time
- it flows, shifts, and evolves. Still, it has specific goals, phases, and
progress-markers along the way.
Pause, breathe, and note
your thoughts and feelings ("self-talk"). They are your
subselvesí reactions to this parts-work overview and what it means to them
Do all these concepts, phases, and tasks feel daunting? For perspective: four years of high school or college work seen all
at once seems like an overwhelming project. Looking at each class one at a
time feels much more doable. Parts work is the same. You take one step at a
time, with time-outs for rest, re-grouping, and relaxation. Best of all - you
set and adjust the schedule and the targets!
Inner-family therapy (parts work) is
about maximizing the quality and productivity of your life over
time. Can you name a more worthy project? If you're a
shame-based Grown Wounded Child, you'll probably have a
well-meaning subself trying to convince you that you don't deserve to
"maximize the quality of your life."
Now let's explore how to work with and harmonize your busy subselves.
A good initial step is to interview one or more of your subselves when you're undistracted and
feel "ready." If you haven't recently (or at all),
try this safe, interesting
exercise. Then return here and...
to Meet Your Inner Family
Doing parts work can yield
richer results over time if you take these preliminary steps:
Decide whether to use a
parts-work journal now or later.
Draft an initial list of
your subselves and evolve a comfortable way to think of
and name them
all as a group;
Clearly envision inspiring
a Self-led "hero/ine",
a truly effective team or
a dedicated, healthy female and/or male Nurturer;
Clarify your initial
parts-work goals (p. 1) and expectations (p. 6);
work will be in your life, among your other current goals and responsibilities; and ...
Choose trusted supporters:
i.e. people who will encourage and affirm this work and your progress
along the way.
Letís explore each of these preparation-phase steps. Notice your
mental and emotional reactions with interest. How do your parts seem to feel
now about you (your Self) getting ready to meet, harmonize, and lead them?
Journal or Not?
Serious (vs. recreational)
parts work is like exploring rich, unknown land. If your style as a
real-world tourist is to take pictures and buy postcards and mementos, then
consider keeping a notebook, log, or journal for this inner adventure. This can be
specially helpful if your dynamic subselves tend to be disorganized and scattered. Your
inner-family work will be more productive if you stay clear and focused along the way on
what youíre doing, how, and why.
A major reason to create a parts-work journal is to give some of your
subselves a place to communicate
Clients have taught me that some parts only express themselves by writing
prose or poetry or drawing pictures. Journaling opens this channel -
perhaps giving one or more of your subselves a "voice" for the first
part being able to express itís feelings, needs, views, and hopes - and
being heard by your Self and the other parts - can release
inner tension. Recording dialogs between two or more parts can
be a powerful help in understanding and resolving their inner conflicts and
raising your subselves' harmony.
Also, inner-family journaling over
time lets you compare how you feel now vs. earlier in your work. Doing this
promotes recognizing significant changes in your beliefs, priorities,
feelings, and behaviors; and validating the parts-work process and your
As you (all) make your
initial decision about journaling, note any
"resistant" thoughts and related feelings. These can sound like...
Your true Self might respond to
thoughts like these like: "Well, this journaling idea seems to scare some of you.
Weíve never tried it before. Maybe it could help. Canít hurt to
try it and then decide whether it's useful or not."
Finally, note the power of
words. Does making a workbook, record, or a log feel different than keeping a
journal? How about keeping a record,
a diary, or "a lab notebook"? If you have some uneasy
subselves, sometimes the label you use to describe your parts-work
writings can make a difference to them.
As with all parts-work decisions,
if journaling doesnít feel right now, you can start at any
This YouTube clip previews what you're about to read:
Who are you?If you were
only one self, the question would be "Who is you?"
- if you haven't recently (re)read this brief
history of the inner-family concept and these common
Q&A items about subselves.
Recall: each of your personality parts or subselves
seems to be a semi-autonomous
region of your brain that affects your psychological,
physical, and spiritual experiences. Each part has itís own thoughts,
feelings, goals, plans, role, time frame, and world view.
Each subself has a developmental age, (usually) a gender, a preferred name or job title, a unique
"voice" (thought pattern), and may use one or more inner images to represent
themselves to you (your Self, capital "S").
Subselves are a normal part of being
human, not some pathological condition - except after significant childhood
If part of you has
about this work, acknowledge it respectfully and ask it to wait and see what
happens. Their protective skepticism will
be validated or it wonít.
What youíre about to do is
like a reporter identifying
the staff of a small organization, and learning their roles. Some
"staff members" may not be present
at the moment.
Print these four sets of common subselves,
and find an undistracted time and place.
Check, asterisk, or hilight each one that "fits" you. Title them differently if that feels
better (to someone). If you're unsure, use a "?".
Next, add any other personal traits not included in these sets - e.g.
animal lover, dentist, photographer, chef, sky diver, etc. Include any less-thrilling traits
like dishonest, selfish, reclusive, spiteful, sarcastic, secretive,
Divide a horizontal blank page or computer spreadsheet into 6 columns.
column one, list each trait you checked or listed above.
column 2, enter your estimate of the developmental age of this subself.
Trust your intuition and don't compute. If you're not sure,
In column 3, put what type
of subself this is - M(anager), C(hild), G(ardian), or
you're not sure, put "?".
In column 4, put the part's gender -
none, or ?.
5, put your intuitive guess as to whether this subself trusts your true Self
(Yes, No, or ?)
In column 6, put your intuitive guess as to the main "job"
of this subself - e.g. "make people like me," or "keep me focused."
This will look like...
Name / trait (subself)
protect scared one
Option - now redraft this initial parts-roster, grouping your
subselves by type: i.e. put all the Managers together, then the inner kids,
then the Guardians, and finally the "?"s.
Next, scan all your entries and asterisk, circle, or hilight the parts you feel are most active
your recent life.
Review your whole roster
now, and imagine your subselves as a group. Ask yourself "Who usually leads
them all?" Trust the first response that comes to mind. Many people naturally answer "I do" or
"Me." Recall: that the word "I" now describes (probably)
15 to 25+ subselves. They canít all be in charge - or can
they? Ask the question again and be open to any inner answer,
"hunch," "sense," or vision. Donít edit, compute, or analyze - just
listen. The answer to strive for is "my true Self."
If the answer seems to be one
or several of the parts youíve listed, circle them. If your response
is "I donít know whoís in charge of my subselves," notice how that
feels. Who would you like to lead your inner crew
Reality check: learn the common
emotion-clues that your
is trusted to lead your other subselves. Then scan these common
behavioral traits of false selves. Using these, think of
period like "the last three months" and ask again:
"Does it seem like
my Self (capital "S") is usually leading, or 'someone else' (false selves)?"
If you feel you
do have a true Self, make sure you've included him or her on your
roster. Use a title or nickname you're comfortable with.
(wounded) people are often uncomfortable with the title "my true Self."
Scan your roster again to see if you intuitively know which part is directing and guiding
parts work. It may be your Self and/or a
spiritual subself, a
Wise One, or a
Health Director. These
subselves instinctively cooperate with your Self for overall harmony.
Some people have a small healing committee. If no clear answer emerges here, thatís OK.
Look over your
list of subselves. These are the most easily identified members of your talented inner team.
Underline or highlight any of them you feel a special interest in or
discomfort with. How would you describe your feelings about all of them
together? Pride? Indifference? Discomfort? Wonder? Unease? Startlement?
your list to change as you do this work
As you see them assembled,
whatís your instinct: are all these parts of you usually unified and
harmonious? Do they all know about and trust each other? Do they have a
common purpose yet? Do they have a trusted and respected leader? How would
you feel if you could confidently answer "yes!" to all these questions?
preparation step by experimenting and choosing a comfortable term for all your
subselves together. My Inner Family / Team /
Clan / Community / Committee / Squad / Gang / Troop / Troupe / Tribe / Crew
/ Team / Band / ... Your term should feel "right" to (all
Now that you have an
initial sense of who your team is...
Pick Inspiring Guides or Hero/ines
Shift mental gears (and maybe your body and breathing) now. Review your life
to pick some clear examples
to inspire and lead you along the way. See who comes to mind after asking
"Who do I know who seems to have lived an exceptionally balanced,
serene, satisfying, productive life?"
The goal here is to identify a person who
lives with their true Self consistently
in charge and their inner family is
usually calm and harmonious. Youíre
seeking someone whom you instinctively know is clear on...
who they really
are (and arenít),
what their personal gifts, limitations, and life-mission are, and...
someone who seems deeply satisfied with who they are becoming, and how
they're doing that.
Your hero/ine may be male or female. Be wary of
a subself insisting that you haveto choose someone your parent/s, partner, or
approve of. Also watch for some
subselves wanting you to pick unmatchable superheroes like Christ,
Buddha, Gandhi, Joan of Arc, St. Patrick, Mother Teresa, Lincoln, or a Pope. Perhaps youíd like to blend
the qualities of several hero/ines into a composite Guide or Hero/ine.
Once you envision one or more inspiring persons, see what happens inside
after saying something (out loud) like
"I will learn to be as serene, wise, joyous,
Self-satisfied, productive, confident, and wholistically healthy as (my hero/ine) seems to be, over
If your whole inner crew cheers - great! More likely, youíll hear
distrustful (scared) subselves declaring all the reasons this is a
brainless, stupid, impossible fantasy. Can your Self listen tolerantly, and
hold on to your hero/ine vision?
Recall - we're reviewing preparation steps for doing effective "parts work."
The next step is...
an Effective-Team Model
Meditate on whether youíve ever experienced being part of a truly harmonious adult
or adult-child group, with a clear common purpose and a highly-respected,
competent leader. If so, recall vividly what it felt like to be part of that
group. If not, describe in detail how you think it would feel.
Ask other people if theyíve
ever belonged to a group that consistently worked well together. Learn why it did,
and what participating in the group felt like to them. The group might be a
family, a team, an artistic troupe, a
business department or task force, a congregation, a committee, a set of
neighbors, a class or seminar, a travel tour, ...
Describe your impressions in detail. Be
able to explain the traits of a really harmonious, effective family
or team. Now imagine all your unique, talented subselves in such a group. Imagine
each of your subselves feeling about your Self and each other what you may have
felt about your real-life team and itís excellent leader.
Meditate on how it would feel to belong to a really unified, harmonious
group of adults and kids - for thatís what your inner family can become!
Get clear over time on
how such a group effectively handles conflict and
differences of opinion
between members, and how the leader facilitates resolving these. If
helpful, write these ideas down and highlight them in your parts-work journal. Ask
others their opinion on this and collect a rich sample.
As your parts-work progresses, refine this vision of the
co-operative dedication to a common purpose your talented subselves can achieve.
someone inside says "I can never do that!" reassure them you
hear their disbelief, and that youíre setting out (anyway) to discover how
to do this thing that they (you) havenít experienced yet in your life.
For a perceptive look at the process of team/community
building, I recommend Dr. M. Scott Peck's book The
Different Drum - Community Making and Peace.
The next preparation step is to...
Significant parts work always involves meeting, rescuing, and caring for
your scared, lonely, rageful, lost, sad, shamed
inner kids. The good news is that we all
seem to have one or more subselves whose natural skill and motivation is to
nurture them and others in a healthy way - a
Loving Parent. If youíre not familiar with
that part of yourself at first, it can help to scan the people you know
and focus on one or several whom you see as really effective,
Hold them in your consciousness as clearly as you can. Vividly imagine them
comforting, guiding, protecting, confronting, soothing, and loving. Notice what they do
and say, and how they look. Begin to realize clearly why you think theyíre
effective nurturers. What makes them specially successful in this role? As
you get clearer on this...
Begin to imagine (regularly)
how it would feel to have one or more such Nurturers always available within
you to gladly and tirelessly minister to your needy or upset young parts. As you
begin to get in touch with your inner "Good Mom / Dad / Parent,"
learn appreciatively how that part reacts when they see your inner kids
As your parts work progresses, stay alert for inner and outer
examples of what unconditional caregiving looks, feels, and sounds like. When you can verbally describe these in some detail - youíve got the
you have a rough draft of
many of your subselves; and clear, inspiring models of ...
Self-led hero/ine (model);
a consistently harmonious,
team or family; and...
one or more gifted nurturers.
The next parts-work preparation step is to ..
Clarify Key Beliefs and
belief is an
observation about life on Earth that you accept as "true" without
question ("Dogs and mice don't sing, pray, or speak Portuguese.") From
new experiences, information, and/or new reasoning, (some)
gradually or suddenly.
attitudeis a subjective opinion about something's nature,
like good/bad, right/wrong. pleasurable/painful, healthy/unhealthy, etc.
Given life experience, new information, and new environmental conditions,
can change permanently also. ("I used to think people who prayed were
superstitious wimps. Now I don't.")
Check any beliefs that match yours now:
"I believe that...
__ Normal personalities like mine are
composed of talented, interactive subselves or parts;
__ I have a resident
true Self (capital "S"), whose natural talent
is highly-effective leadership of my other subselves in all situations -
if they trust her/him;
__ My Self can negotiate with other
subselves to cause useful internal and behavioral changes over
__ I can
reduce my wounds and
free my Self to guide and harmonize using an appropriate form of 'parts work'
(inner-family therapy);" and...
__ Grown Wounded Children (GWCs) have
no reason to feel ashamed of their wounds or their effects.
__ I (my Self) can learn to converse
and negotiate with my subselves toward reducing false-self dominance and
improving inner-family harmony and contentment.
Now compare your attitudes to
__ Intentionally cultivating
social awareness is healthy and good.
__ People (including my parents) aren't bad, stupid,
or selfish - they're wounded and unaware.
__ In most situations, ranking my health, welfare, and comfort
equal to those of every other person is good for us all.
__ Asking for appropriate help in
freeing my true Self and reducing my psychological wounds is healthy and good,
Working to protect young people
from inheriting the lethal [wounds + unawareness]
is a priceless gift.
the theme of these key beliefs and attitudes, as you review your
own in preparation for doing parts work.
Clarify Your Parts-work
To provide purpose and
direction to your explorations, invest time identifying
specifically what youíre trying to do for yourself. My experience is that initial
parts-workersí objectives are vague, very general, or very narrow. Thatís OK! Thereís a wide range of inner-family goals available to you. For example:
"Iíll try parts work
out, and see what happens."
"I want to change my whole attitude about
life. Have I been (controlled by) false selves for all these years?"
"I want to find out what
to do with my life."
"I want to understand
why I do the things I do..."
"I want to be less
depressed and anxious."
"I want to have more
Whatever your initial
parts-work goals, (a) write them down; (b) say them
out loud, and see what thoughts or feelings bloom; and (c) choose an
attitude of "My goal/s can change along the way."
Work patiently over time to refine your first harmonizing
targets into simpler, concrete, specific objectives. For example, an
initial goal of "I want to have more good friends" can evolve into "I want
to significantly increase my confidences about
dancing, being assertive, dealing with authority figures, and interpersonal
conflict." That can evolve into "I want to find, meet, rescue, and free
my Self-doubting and anxious parts, and redirect their Guardians to other
Life coaches suggest that
weíre often better motivated by
using positive assertions and goals rather than negative ones.
Positive statements focus on building, healing, and increasing assets,
rather than reducing, destroying, "fighting," or conquering. Notice whether it feels
to say "I have to stop being so pessimistic and negative," or
"Iím steadily learning to be more genuinely optimistic and
Your choice of words counts
in defining your inner-family-building goals. Black and white imperatives ("I must be
happier!") tend to be limiting, and can raise your subselvesí
"performance anxiety" and doubt. See how simple, clear, positive-action,
here-and-now goal statements work for you, like: "I'm now learning to
feel more balanced,
serene, and joyous at a pace thatís just right for
me." (Can you get into that one?)
minimizing this initial goal-setting step risks "riding off in
all directions" and concluding that parts work isn't effective.
Setting your parts-work goals is an
ongoing process, not an event.
As your parts-work
goals become clearer, prioritize them periodically to
avoid trying to work on too many things at once. For example: if you
find from initial parts work that the process really does bring positive changes
to your life, your Achiever, Perfectionist, and
other subselves might push hard to work on "lose that weight for good /
stop being so shy / have a better sex life / make more money / stop
interrupting others / make more friends / sleep better / end these migraines
/ break the Dove-bar habit / stop obsessing about _______!"
This can feel like being in
Disneyland and wanting to take all the rides at once. As an effective exec,
your unblended(enabled) Self is likely to say something like "Look, we have to
pick one or two projects at a time. There is enough time and energy to
work on each of these. Probably the best choice for us right now is to focus
on being less "busy," and to make time to meditate and do some
parts work each day without too much guilt or anxiety. How does everyone
feel about those two goals?"
Notice that the specific
steps outlined in this article provide ready-made goals. Avoid adopting them
as is unless you rewrite them in your
language and style and make them yours.
Once youíve picked a
specific parts-work target, try vividly imagining your daily life after fully
achieving that goal. Option: write a
journal page, and sketch a typical
What would be significantly different? (Don't forget the new conflicts that
Continue with more
preparation steps on