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- free your
true Self and reduce false-self wounds |
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An Introduction to Effective "Parts
Work" - p.1 of 9
Key
Concepts and Terminology
By Peter K.
Gerlach, MSW
Member NSRC Experts Council
|
 The Web address of this article is
http://sfhelp.org/gwc/IF/ifs.htm
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This is the first of nine pages in Lesson 1 that describe a way to
reduce false-self (psychological)
- inner-family therapy
or
"parts work." I have studied, experienced, and coached people in parts work for
17 years - and I'm
still learning! This series is part
of my Lesson-1
guidebook
Who's Really Run-ning Your Life? (Xlibris.com 2nd ed., 2002)
This
series assumes you're familiar with...
 Contents
Introduction
These nine pages describe ways you can
harmonize your
over time, to reduce key personal and social problems and improve your
productivity, serenity, and
wholistic health. This includes learning how the subselves of
two or more people interact, and how to extend personal parts work to improve your
key relationships.
In what follows, personality "parts," "subselves," and
"inner-family members" all mean the same thing.
The content here comes from the teachings of psychologist Richard Schwartz, Ph.D. and a group of clinical
colleagues; these authors; Annette Hulefeld, LCSW; and many of my
therapy clients and their
subselves. I'm grateful to each and all of you!
Reflect for a moment about your day so far. Have
there been any times you’ve experienced several inner
"voices" (thought streams) arguing about something? That sounds like
"I want to sleep for another half hour." "No! You’ve got
to get going - there’s so much to do! Now come on..."
Those very real inner voices belong to two members of your inner
family of subselves.
Key Inner Family Concepts
It's now widely accepted that the human brain is composed of many different
regions that function simultaneously like a coordinated network of
mini-computers - e.g. one region decodes sounds, another colors, a third
area decodes smells, etc. These regions can be seen functioning in real time
via brain-scanning techniques like Positron Emission Tomography (PET). These
regions work together below our consciousness to produce impressions, like
"I see and hear my child laugh."
Rather than having a single monolithic personality ("me"), normal kids and adults
seem to have many specialized subselves or parts.
These are probably inter-related brain regions. Collectively, these
subselves make up
our personality, psyche, nature, or character.
The normal human capacity to
develop a multi-part
personality is
now called multiplicity.
People whose subselves have been separated to extremes, like "Sibyl,"
have been called "multiple personali-ties."
Most (all?) normal people develop a group of specialized subselves
like the talented players in an orchestra or sports team,
and are neither "multiple personalities" nor "crazy."
Our subselves have individual identities, and form alliances, coalitions,
and power hierarchies with each other. They each have unique roles or
"jobs," and interact according to group
rules. Our team of subselves interacts like any natural
bio-system, just like a group of people functioning together. Hence the term
"Inner Family System" (IFS). One implication is that
normal family-systems’
therapy principles apply to our inner family too. My
experience doing inner-family therapy for more than 17 years confirms this.
Each of our subselves has unique abilities, ages, goals, thoughts, feelings,
values, and
perceptions. They can be male, female, or neither, regardless of our
physical body. Parts’ overriding aim is to keep themselves, certain other
parts, and us as a whole safe. Individual
subselves can be misinformed
and/or
have very
distorted
memories and perceptions of past or current reality.
Our subselves can cause
us or others pain and harm, because they see no better choices at the
time. We have no innately bad or evil parts, despite
appearances to the contrary. Each subself means us well - as it defines
"well." Their definitions often differ, and can change.
Four Types of Subselves
Our inner-family members can be grouped as
their
and
Others. Though each of us has a unique
group of subselves, most people's personality-parts are similar
in function - e.g. most of us have a
tireless Inner Critic,
a Perfectionist, and a
Driver/Achiever who
(usually) wants to get things
done now.
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A universal Manager subself is our
(capital "S"). Its
unique talent is providing consis-tently effective leadership to
all other parts if not distracted or blocked by some of them.
Some Inner Kids or Guardians distrust or don’t know our Self.
As a
disgruntled musician might wrestle the baton from a scorned
orchestra conductor, one or more distrustful subselves can
our Self. |
Parts-work veterans often
report one or more
spiritual parts within or "nearby."
Many
meditative or sensitive people know of this
without parts work. This
subself ("the Spirit within")
gives wise, loving counsel at critical times if we get quiet and listen
for its "still small voice." Some feel it is the voice or
presence of a benign, loving Higher Power.
People have experienced spiritual subselves throughout eras and cultures, calling
them my "Higher Self,"
"indwelling Christ," "Great Spirit," "guardian
angels," "sprit guide," "Old Ones," or the like. We
each are free to decide whether
we have such a part and can access its caring strength and
guidance at key times. This spiritual subself and Higher Power play a critical role in the
efforts of most people who are working to manage an addiction or
to reduce false-self wounds
Subself Traits
Each subself needs recognition,
appreciation, and respect. They react if they do or don’t get these from
each other and other people. They also need to feel secure, important, and
useful (in that order), and they react if they don’t. Some people who
had too little
nurturance as
young kids have subselves who have never felt recognized, valued,
protected, and safe. Over time,
appropriate inner-family
therapy (parts work) can change that!
Subselves communicate with
our conscious mind in many ways: thoughts, or inner voices;
inner images or pictures; emotions (including
numbness); memories; senses; hunches and intuition; day and
night dreams; and body sensations. Our subselves can also hide, camouflage themselves,
and/or refuse to engage with people and other subselves they see as unsafe.
Our "unconscious mind" may be the pool of (some parts’) knowledge, memories,
perceptions, and beliefs that are protectively repressed from our conscious
awareness by some
As our inner safety and clarity grows over
time, some unconscious "content" can be safely revealed to
our con-scious awareness.
Our subselves can be paralyzed,
exhausted, hysterical, repressed, or overwhelmed. They can't be "killed,"
"fired," or "ejected" because they're areas of
our brain. Early in parts work, most
subselves don’t trust this, and are very scared of losing their job and/or
being banished, "killed," "locked up," or exiled. They can learn to do
different jobs for us, and often want to - if it seems safe to do so. For example,
a
Saboteur subself can become motivated to
reduce our
procrastination or to help us remember names and dates better. (Are you
interested?)
Like plants seeking the
sunlight, our subselves seem to be primally motivated to seek
wholistic health. Given safe new experiences, information, and perspectives,
personality-parts can change their
values, aims, beliefs, trusts, and goals - often quickly. Such changes usually cause
us to feel, think, perceive, and act differently.
Many or most of our ongoing
psychological and some physical discomforts - e.g. some head
and stomach aches; muscle tics or spasms; tight throat, stomach, or
shoulders; tingling; numbness; cool-ness; flushing; etc. - seem to be
caused by
subselves fighting. Some physical symptoms can also be caused by one or more
anxious subselves
trying to "tell" us something. When they feel truly heard and
credibly reassured, such physical discomforts often recede - unless
there's an organic cause. There is little doubt now that our "minds"
(subselves) affect our organs and body functions, and vice-versa.
When subselves feel safe enough,
they’ll reveal themselves to us (our true Self). They'll communi-cate, learn,
and eventually may negotiate for new inner-family roles. As with
physical people
with com-mon interests, this ability to "talk" allows trust-building, mediation, and conciliation.
Subselves' cautious openness to
change allows growth of inner- family teamwork and harmony over time. This is the
central goal of inner-family therapy (parts work).
Some Guardian and Child
parts have lived their entire life in terror, shame, hopelessness, and
silen-ce. Like young Holocaust survivors, they initially may not be able to
even imagine safe, enjoyable inner and outer environments, because they’ve
never experienced that. To keep safe, such subselves use stra-tegies like hiding, camouflaging, using false images, impersonating
other parts, pretending to co-operate, sabotaging inner-family work, and
disabling your true Self
Origins and Time frame
The "seeds" for personality subselves seem to be natural components of our DNA and neuro-chemi-cal makeup
from birth. From new radiographic/computer technology (PET scans), we now know factually that
(a)
different parts of our modular brain activate
in different situations, and that (b) our neurological system
constantly shifts its
electro-chemical connections (synapses).
As our brain and several "minds" grow,
(like our Achiever,
Judge, Explorer, and Crea-tive One) seem to develop naturally, unless blocked by our
environment.
and their
appear to be
created by
traumatic events like
neglect, abuse, and
abandonment, in our early years. They may or may not remember these
events vividly or tell us about them when they feel safe.
Subselves may live in the
present or some time in our past. Against all logic and
experience, they still believe the traumatic conditions that activated them
may happen again "today." Such Guardian and Child parts are
forever on guard against a danger that hasn’t existed for years.
Proactive parts work can free these subselves to live safely in the present, and redirect their
energies in healthier ways.
These are the key concepts
comprising the
Inner Family Systems (IFS)
concept. Now let’s review some basic
terminology we’ll use in this series and Web
site.
Parts-work Terms (alphabetically)
If
you're new to subselves and parts work, invest time in getting clear on the
basic concepts and terms below. As a self-check, imagine defining each term below to an average high
school student.
Blending, coined
by psychologist Richard Schwartz, Ph.D., this describes an excited subself infusing
your true Self with its feelings, views, and needs. When blending happens, you
(i.e. your true Self) ex-perience what that other subself feels, thinks, and
believes.
Your Self’s calm, balanced, far-seeing leadership is usually lost until the
excited part calms and/or unblends. A skill that increases
during effective parts work is learning to persuade blending parts to
"step aside" from (free) your Self, without losing their intense feelings or needs. Then they can be
re-spectfully heard, and their needs filled.
Blending often occurs when
you first focus on a part that has been causing discomfort or harm to someone, and your
inner Critic
infuses your Self with his/her critical opinions (or fear) of
that part. Your unblended Self will typically regard such a subself with
interest and compassion.
Blending also happens in situations that Guardian parts believe are significantly
threatening. Any subself can blend with your Self, but
Inner Kids
and their
Guardians are specially adept at it. People who seem "childish"
or naive at times probably have a young subself who’s often blended with their
Self.
"Direct access" happens when an outside person (e.g. a therapist or other supporter) speaks
directly with one of your subselves.
The alternative is indirect access, which
may
feel safer during
early inner-family work. This happens when the outsider asks your Self to ask or
inform the part in question - so "You" (your Self) acts as an
intermediary. When subselves trust the parts-work process and certain
outsiders, they’ll usually communicate directly - unless other parts
object and interfere.
Disowned parts are those
aspects of our personality that we’ve been trained to dislike,
repress, or deny. For example, if you have a (young) part who really wants you to focus
only on its needs or to act violently, your inner
Critic will probably
have been trained to see that selfish part as "bad." Once so
labeled, other subselves will work fiercely to block, paralyze, shun, and ignore
such "awful" parts, causing us
inner strife.
Psychologists Sidra and Hal
Stone propose that we feel most intensely attracted to or repelled by people
who act out their version of our disowned parts. Have you ever met someone
you "couldn’t stand"? The reason your subselves intensely
dislike them is probably an instinctive recognition of part of yourself
that you "can’t stand" which is displayed by the other person. In later parts
work, we come to calmly ac-cept ("own") all our subselves
and the array of gifts and limitations they bring us.
An Exile is Dr. Richard
Schwartz’s term for a part who is living in a past time, usually in
the host per-son's childhood. Such
subselves can safely come to live in the present via re-doings and rescues.
False Self describes a
mind-body state where a person is
controlled momentarily or steadily by one or more
of their non-Self parts - usually one or more Inner Kids and/or their
Guardians. Some people call this common state
dissociation
(from reality).
Many adults who were
traumatized as kids have never
experienced their Self in consistent control. Such people
(i.e. their dominant subselves) are
understandably skeptical that they have a gifted, reliable
inner team-leader and a more serene and productive way of daily living
available to them. See Self.
I, Me, and
Myself
(or
my Self) can refer
to...
-
your active true Self, or...
-
the other subselves currently controlling your Self (your false self), or...
-
your whole mind-body self (little "s"). See
self below.
Because of these several meanings, early
parts-work concepts and conversations can be confusing.
"Go inside" means
"get quiet and undistracted, and focus steadily on your current thoughts,
emotional and physical feelings, senses, needs, and any inner images." The
alternative is focusing your attention and on things outside your physical
body. Going inside can range dynamically from shallow to deep trances, and
describes the mind-body state resulting from effective meditation and self
hypnosis.
Inner family
denotes
all your subselves as a group. You may prefer another term, like
"my team,
troop, squad, community, tribe, clan,
gang..." Experiment, and use what term emerges as most comfortable to (all of) you. Also see Self and
self.
Inner-family system -
denotes all your personality subselves plus the rules that govern them and the parts’
dynamics that result. Similarly, your outer (physical) family system refers to all the
people you de-signate as "family" + the boundaries that separate them
from other people-groups
(systes) + the
roles, rules, and dynamics that regulate
them.
Inner voice
usually refers to one or more current conscious thought streams. It may also denote
hun-ches, intuitions, "feelings," premonitions, "senses" (as in "I sense
that you're bored"), and expectations. Inner voices, and physical and
emotional feelings, are major ways your parts express themselves. It’s
normal and common to have several inner voices going at once ("self
talk").
Job retraining refers to
negotiating with a subself to shift its goals and energies to a new role (job) in
your inner family. This happens only after the part comes to trust that your
Self, and perhaps other parts, can reliably provide the protection for other
subselves and you
(the host person) that it has worked at all its life.
"Living in the past"
refers to a subself who fiercely believes s/he still lives in the calendar time
and situ-ation where the host person was originally traumatized. Such
subselves are usually Inner Kids
and/or
their devoted Guardians.
Thus a grown woman may have a young part who
believes that any moment her (remembered) drun-ken father (or any
man) may barge into her bedroom and molest her, and that there’s no one around who
will
believe or protect her. Reasoning with such parts usually does not help them change. Experiencing, like
re-doing
and rescuing,
does help.
If such subselves feel secure and are
respectfully asked "what year is it?," they will often
quickly respond (in your thoughts) "1971," or some date many years
ago. After trust and security-building, such terrified, misguided parts can
eventually visit the present, and when feeling safe enough, come to stay.
This causes observable mental, emotional, and behavioral shifts.
Multiplicity
denotes the normal human traits of having (a) a many-sided "self,"
"psyche," personality, or character, and (b) several "minds"
(conscious, semi-conscious, and unconscious). Multiplicity is now
observable in real time: Positron Emission
Tomography images (PET scans) reveal that up to
a dozen or more brain regions activate
concurrently for what we experience as a single event like
"stroking the cat."
Part
or subself
refers
to a functionally-unique brain region in a normal infant, child
or adult. Average peo-ple seem to have 15 to 25 or more subselves without being "crazy" in the least. Each part brings us one or
more unique abilities, is basically benign, and can communicate with our
Self and each other in various ways.
Writers throughout history have
described our parts as sides ("she has a witty side"), aspects,
alter-egos, subselves, (inner) voices, moods, subpersonalities, "something
in me," character defects and flaws, talents, ego states, potentials,
gifts ("Mildred has a gift for music"), and personas.
Parts work is the intentional
process of meeting, assessing, owning, rescuing, re/training, and
(eventu-ally) harmonizing all your subselves under the
leadership of your
Parts work is also called Inner
Family-System (IFS) therapy here. Some related clinical schemes are called
Voice Dialog,
Psychosynthesis,
Active
Imagination, Gestalt therapy, and
Theophostic counseling.
Personality or psyche
is the current
and chronic mix of your attitudes, beliefs, values, associations, reflexes,
limitations ("I can't cook"), habits, talents and gifts, dreams,
abilities, and traits. These are all caused by your subselves, genes, and
organs. Also see multiplicity.
Pseudo
wound-recovery
occurs when distrustful, misinformed subselves artfully fake recovery
beliefs and behavior but really don't trust the Self and a Higher Power, and
that it's safe to stop controlling the host person. Until these Guardian and
Child parts
feel safe enough, one or more will justify and/or cause intense conscious
denial
of this protective pretense. Over time, effective parts work can reassure
such subselves and begin true recovery (inner-family reorganization)
- a
permanent (core value) change.
|
Recovery
refers here to the ongoing intentional (Self-motivated) process of
your true Self to
and harmonize your inner family of
subselves over
time, and reassigning and/or retraining some to new roles.
True (vs. pseudo) recovery produces noticeable emotional, mental,
spiritual, be-havioral, and sometimes physiological changes in the recoverer
over time.
|
Re-doing is a powerful
parts-work technique. It involves planning and rehearsing, then vividly
recalling a past trauma, and revisiting it with your present Self and any
other desired healthy parts and/or people. The goal is to intervene safely in
the remembered traumatic process and help affected subselves exper-ience a
safer outcome in the present.
Rescuing is a form of
re-doing, and is a key parts work technique. It
involves identifying parts living in the past, patiently gaining
their trust, preparing a safe, nurturing (inner) place for them in the
present, and hel-ping them transfer safely out of their traumatic environment
to join their other parts in the real present. Rescuing paralyzed or exiled parts can help thaw
frozen grief, heal toxic old
shame, and see the world as it
really is. A symptom of a successful rescue is having life-long
fears, anxieties, and frustrations perma-nently recede.
self (small 's')
denotes your
physical body and all your subselves and spirit together. Your self is the whole person
who is called by your name, including all parts’ dreams, genes, hopes,
fears, skills, limi-tations, and history. Thus your true Self (below) is one
element of your self.
true
Self
(capital 'S') refers here to the neural region that every person has (including you) whose
natural skill is consistent, effective, wide-angle, long-range leadership of all other
subselves. If trusted by other subselves and left alone to fulfill its steady
goal of promoting your health, growth, and life-purpose,
your true Self is an
expert leader.
S/He calmly assesses, prioritizes, problem-solves, delegates, motivates, affirms, encourages, co-ordinates, facilitates, negotiates, and makes wise,
wholistically-healthy short and long-term decisions. Do you believe you have
a true Self? Do you know how to tell when a Self is
in charge?
Your Self will help all other
parts develop and use their individual skills and gifts, adapt to their
limi-tations, and develop stable
senses of safety and individual and inner-family purpose and pride. Your
Self is not more "powerful" or important than any other part. S/He
is vulnerable to being disabled or paralyzed by other mistrusting, anxious,
reactive parts. Your Self's wisdom and competence
develops as you age. It may relate to your soul.
| When your true Self is
trusted and free to guide your inner family, you feel notably confidant,
alive, aware, serene, calm, clear,
grounded, centered, alert, "up," confident, focused, resilient, moti-vated, energized, light, compassionate, patient, and "in the flow." When did you last experienced that state of
Being? Can you imagine feeling that way most of the time?
Effective parts work (this article) promotes this. |
Split and Splitting refer
to the process or state of having one or more subselves (a false self) take
over and disable your true Self. When you're "split," you’ll experience life as
your dominant subselves do, and act the way they want you to.
Splitting is a reflexive way of surviving
emotionally-intolerable situations. Some mental-health work-ers call this
common process and state dissociation, and work to reduce "dissociative
disorders" (false-self dominance and inner-family disharmony).
Over
time, subselves' increasing trust in the reliable wisdom, intentions, and decisiveness of
their resident Self reduces their need to blend (split). The common term
"split
personality" suggests the reality of subselves in typical wounded (vs.
sick or
crazy) kids and adults. Also see
and False self.
"You"
(here) means...
-
your unblended true Self, or...
-
the subselves currently
controlling your Self
(your false self), or...
-
your whole mind + body +
spirit), depending on the current context.
See "I" above.
+ + +
Reality check - before continuing, pause, breathe, and reflect: how do
these ideas feel to you, so far?
It probably differs from your prior beliefs about personalities
- starting with yours.
Skepticism, scorn, and
cynicism are usually caused by scared Guardian subselves defending against
new information they and/or some inner children feel threatened by.
Try
for the open "mind of a student" and learn more about working with your
busy subselves before making up your mind/s. Options: try this
safe, interesting experience of "talking" with one
or more of your subselves, and then read my letter
to you.
 Continue
with the goal of parts work
and a four-phase overview of the process.
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Updated
January 07, 2010
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