Lesson 1 of 7  - free your true Self to guide you
	Comparison: Typical Behavioral Traits of True and False Selves Signs of who controls your life By Peter K. Gerlach, MSW Member NSRC Experts Council

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The Web address of this article is https://sfhelp.org/gwc/compare.htm

  Updated  02-01-2015

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      This is one of a series of articles on Lesson 1 in this Web site - free your true Self to guide you in calm and conflictual times, and reduce significant false-self wounds. This article provides a quick way to estimate whether a person is controlled by their true Self or ''someone else'' (a "false self"). 

      This article assumes you're familiar with...

the intro to this site and the premises underlying it Part 1 in self-improvement Lesson 1 Q&A about personality subselves; this perspective on false selves; and... this research summary about kids from dysfunctional families

      This brief YouTube video introduces the concept of true Self and false self. The video mentions eight self-improvement lessons. I've rescued that to seven.

Background

      Many philosophers and everyday people propose that we each have a self. There has been rich and raucous debate across centuries and cultures about what that is. After 16 years' professional study I propose there are two types of self which regulate your personality and behaviors every day.

      If our early-childhood nurturing is wholistically-healthy enough, we seem to automatically develop a  personality subself which acts like a naturally-talented orchestra leader, athletic coach, or chairperson. This subself has clear, realistic wide-angle, long-range vision. S/He consistently makes healthy, balanced minor and major decisions based on the dynamic input of our five or six senses and vocal other subselves.

Enter the Protective "False" Self

      But... if very young kids experience significant lack of wholistic nurturance, their personalities (brains) seem to develop a different kind of self (small "s"). Their true Self seems overwhelmed or blocked from developing and directing their actions by other well-meaning but limited, impulsive Inner Kids and Guardian personality subselves who want to "run the show." When Inner Kids and Guardians distrust and disable the resident true Self, they form a "false self."

      False-self dominance is normal, widespread, and promotes survival vs. growth. It's like a distrustful, disgruntled violinist, tuba player, and lead tenor pushing their talented conductor off the podium and fighting over who will lead the orchestra. False-self dominance promotes up to five more psychological 'wounds.'

      People who are used to being controlled by a false self experience that as normal. The idea that there is another subself in them that - if allowed to - can consistently make wiser, healthier life decisions is unbelievable. Do you relate?

      We kids and adults range between "a little wounded" or "very wounded," depending on (a) any early-childhood abandonment, neglect, and abuse (trauma), (b) how many subselves are vying to control us, and (c) how often they disable our true Self.

Note: A common first-reaction to "personality subselves" is anxiety about being crazy or having a "multiple personality." Since about 1980, psychiatrists and sociologists have guesstimated that about 5% of  Americans seems to have extreme personality fragmenting. That was called Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD), and is now dubbed "Dissociative Identity Disorder" (DID) by psychiatrists. The common clinical term for "personality splitting" (false-self formation and dominance) is dissociation. 

       In this site, a Grown Wounded Child (GWC) is an adult who's personality is "significantly" ruled by a false self, according to someone. Before wound-reduction, we're usually unaware of false-self dominance and its impacts - though we're adept at spotting false-self symptoms in other people! 

      The bad news: Being significantly controlled by a false self has powerful personal, marital, parental, and social implications. In my experience, the high majority of troubled, divorcing, and re/married Americans (and others?) are GWCs in major denial.

      The good news: Once understood and admitted, false-self dominance and psychological wounds can be significantly reduced over time (and true Selves empowered) via self-motivated personal recovery. Self-improvement Lesson 1 in this site is devoted to assessing for and reducing, significant false-self dominance. See this unique Lesson 1 guidebook .

Trait Comparison

      Here's a way to sense who's leading someone's personality (like yours) locally or chronically. Option - use this as a worksheet to profile yourself or someone else

      Pause, breathe, and notice your thoughts and feelings. Which column of traits do you identify with? Do you see each of your parents here? Your grandparents? Your partner? A child? A former lover? A hero/ine or mentor?

  Learn something about yourself with this anonymous 1-question poll..

      If you're skeptical about personality subselves, read this letter to you. and experiencing this safe, interesting exercise. Option: assess whether you and/or another adult or child are significantly ruled by a false self. For options on preventing  psychological wounds in your family, community, church, state, or nation, see this article after you finish here.

For more perspective, read this research summary on "bad habits" and these real-life news examples of people unaware of being controlled by false selves.

 Recap

      This Lesson-1 article and nonprofit Web site propose that normal personalities (like yours) are composed of talented ''subselves'' and are controlled by a wise true Self (capital S) or ''false selves.'' Observable behaviors indicate which of these is true, situationally and over time.

      From my 36 years' clinical research and observation, the article provides brief background on this premise, and describes common behavioral traits of a typical true Self and false selves.

      People often controlled by false selves are usually survivors of major childhood abandonment, neglect, and abuse (trauma) who don't (want to) know about their resulting psychological wounds and what they usually mean. 

      Assessing whether another person is currently or regularly controlled by a false self can empower you to choose whether to maintain a relationship with them, and the best way to relate to them.

      Pause, breathe, and reflect - why did you read this article? Did you get what you needed? If not, what do you need? Who's answering these questions - your true Self, or someone else? Would you answer the poll at the top of the article the same way now?

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