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- learn effective
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Overview and Table of Contents:
SATISFACTIONS - 7 Relationship
Skills You Need
to Know
(Xlibris.com, 2010; 2nd ed.)
By Peter Gerlach, MSW
Member NSRC experts Council |
the Web address of this page is
http://sfhelp.org/books/toc_satisfactions.htm
Clicking links below will open a full window or an
informational popup, so
please turn off
your browser's popup blocker or allow popups from this
nonprofit Web site. If the windows distract you, read the article before following any links.
 This
guidebook integrates
most of
these Web pages describing a
vital co-parent project: (a)
learn, (b) apply, and (c) teach your
kids seven communication
to promote
life-long effective problem-solving and
relationships.
These skills are useful for anyone!
One of
widespread
relationship and divorce hazards is
. Like
their (your) childhood caregivers, most adults don't know
how to
communicate and
problem-solve
effectively. Lesson 2 of
8 in this
non-profit divorce-prevention site provides
communication basics and seven learnable
to reduce
part of this
toxic unawareness. When used by
mutually-respectful partners, these
skills are pow-erful tools for resolving most family, social, and business
relationship and role problems.
|
Use this modular guidebook to find practical, experience-based
answers to communication and relationship questions like these.
|
What's different about this book?
There are many books,
tapes, and programs available to enhance your communication
effectiveness.
Satisfactions is unique
for six major reasons...
It's based on (a) an "inner-family" theory of
and (b) a related series
of seven learnable skills (below) that promote effective thinking
and problem-solving;
This book proposes that effective
communication happens when people (a) get current
met,
(b) in a way that leaves them feeling good about themselves, their
partner/s, and the process between them. I've never seen any other
communication materials propose the skill of
(below) to
identify these true, or primary, needs as requisite for effective
communications. Another unique foundation of this book is...
The keystone concepts of
and
I've never seen
these described together
in almost 40 years of research and teaching. If you can't describe the
five messages
we all decode from each other semi-consciously, you're probably
unaware of how R-messages may degrade your most important
communications.
This book is one of a kind because it
contains Status checks
(conceptual reviews and reality
checks) and Web-link addresses to many resource articles and
worksheets in this site and others. and Satisfactions is
unique because it...
Includes (a) a 95-page communication and
relationship glossary of selected words and phrases, based on the
personality-subself concept; (b) many page cross-references throughout the
text, and (c) a thorough index and to help you quickly find what you
seek. Finally, this book is like no other because of...
My unique engineering + business +
family-therapy + inner-family training and
experience over four decades. For over 30 years, I have studied
interpersonal communication skills and taught them to hundreds of
couples, adults, and kids. No other published author or group of
authors writing about communication skills has my unique meld of
training, experience, personality, perception, and motivation.
What do you know already about
and
You rely on this learned skill more than any other
every
day and night to fill your personal and social needs.
Your children depend on you and
your other co-parents to teach them these vital skills. Are you doing
this? To see
what you might need to learn more about, try this informal
quiz...
Satisfactions Table of Contents
|
Acknowledgements
.........................................................
|
9 |
|
Introduction......................................................................
|
13 |
|
BASICS AND THE 7 SKILLS
|
27 |
|
1) Basics..........................................................................
|
29 |
|
2) Communication awareness ...........................................
|
69 |
|
3) Clear (vs. fuzzy) thinking ................................................
|
115 |
|
4) Dig down to primary needs
............................................
|
140 |
|
5) Metatalk: talking about
communicating ..........................
|
191 |
|
6) Empathic listening - "hearing with your heart" ..................
|
203 |
|
7) Effective assertion
........................................................
|
220 |
|
8) Effective problem-solving (conflict
resolution) ...................
|
254 |
|
9) Resolve your inner conflicts first ......................................
|
293 |
|
10) High-nurturance relationships .....................................
|
313 |
|
11) What would your life be like. . .
...............................
|
342 |
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RESOURCES
|
351 |
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A) Summary: communication basics.................................
|
353 |
|
B) A personal Bill of Rights - the basis of effective assertions
|
362 |
|
C) Summary: communication awareness ..........................
|
367 |
|
D) Summary: clear-thinking skill
......................................
|
371 |
|
E) Summary: dig-down skill
.............................................
|
378 |
|
F) Summary: metatalk skill
..............................................
|
382 |
|
G) Summary: empathic-listening Skill ..............................
|
386 |
|
H) Summary: effective assertion
.......................................
|
391 |
|
I ) Summary: win-win problem Solving ..............................
|
395 |
|
J) Common communication
blocks ...................................
|
405 |
|
K) Selected readings
......................................................
|
414 |
|
L) Communication and relationship Terms ........................
|
418 |
|
Index
..............................................................................
|
513 |
ISBN: 0-7388-6960-0
(paperback) and 0-7388-6961-9 (hardcover)
This is the second guidebook of a
series that integrate most of the
150+ articles and worksheets in
this non-profit educational Web site. I'd value any questions you have about or
feedback about
Satisfactions
and/or the related co-parent Lesson-2
Web pages. Note that these pages include many practical
self-evalu-ation worksheets and skill-practice exercises. I hope you
find these ideas clear, informative, inspiring, and useful!
Links below
will take you to the non-profit Break the Cycle! Web site (formerly "Stepfamily inFormation"). Use your
browser's "Back" button to return to the Xlibris.com bookstore.
Premise:
From newborn infants to dying adults, we all communicate to reduce local discomforts - i.e. to "fill current needs." Doing that promotes
satisfaction. Anything you do that causes a significant
emotional-spiritual-physical-mental change in another person can be called communication.
It's impossible to "not communicate" with other people, for silence and inactivity cause reactions and presumed meanings.
The quality of your life and key relationships depends largely on the effectiveness of the way you communicate - yet you probably
don't know what you need to know about this vital life skill. To reality check that, mull these five
challenges:
1) Name a learned skill that you rely on more often than
communicating to get your key needs met. Note that thinking is
internal communication.
2) How do you distinguish between effective and ineffective communication? If
you're not sure, how can you tell if you're communicating effectively in
important
situations?"
3) On a scale of 1 (totally ineffective) to 10 (totally effective), generally how effective a communicator would you rate yourself in calm times __ and in conflicts __ recently?
4) Identify the five most important people in your current life. From 1 to 10, how effective would you rate yourself in your communication with each of them in calm __ and conflictual __ times? How effective would each of them rate you?
5) Take your time, and
see how well you do
with this
communication quiz. Then return.
Would you like to improve your communication effectiveness with others and yourself?
Seven Essential Skills
This unique guidebook describes and illustrates seven vital communication skills that any motivated
person can learn, with practice. They are:
Can you describe each of these skills and when to use each one? Not one of my 1,000+ clients and students could. Our culture
doesn't value effective communications enough to teach us these skills yet - perhaps because most people don´t know what they don´t know about these skills and their great benefits.
The skills are simple, learnable,
and effective. They help people fill their current personal and social needs. The skills are sequential, starting with awareness.
Why Read This Book?
There are many books, tapes, and programs claiming to teach effective communica-tion.
Satisfactions is unique for six reasons:
It´s based on a well-researched "inner-family" theory of
personality, and (b) the series of seven skills (above) that promote effective thinking and problem-solving.
Communication effectiveness soars when your
true Self guides your other subselves. The related volume
Who´s Really Running Your Life? - free your Self from
custody and guard your kids (Xlibris.com, 2010, 3rd ed.) describes how to achieve this.
This book proposes that effective communication happens when people (a) get current
primary, vs. surface needs met, (b) in a way that leaves them feeling good about themselves, their partner/s, and the process between them. I´ve never seen any other communication materials propose the skill of
digging down to identify primary needs as a requisite for effective communications; Another unique foundation of this book is...
The keystone concepts of
R(espect) messages,
E(motion) levels, and
"Awareness "Bubbles." I´ve never seen these described together in 40+ years of research and teaching. If you
can't describe the five messages we all decode from each other semi-consciously, you´re probably unaware of how R-messages may degrade your most important communications.
This book is one of a kind because it contains
status checks (conceptual reviews and reality checks) and
Web-link addresses to many resource articles, skill-practices, and worksheets in this Break the Cycle! site and others; and...
It includes (a) a 95-page communication and relationship
glossary of selected words and phrases, based on the inner-family concept; (b) many page cross-references throughout the text, and (c) a thorough index to help you quickly find what you seek.
Finally, this book is like no other because of my unique engineering + business +
family-therapy + inner-family systems training and experience. For over 40 years, I have studied communication skills and taught them to hundreds of couples, adults, and kids. No other published authors writing about communication skills have my mix of training, experience, personality, and motivation.
Here's what you'll find in the second
edition of Satisfactions:
Table of Contents
Mail order this book
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Updated
August 30, 2010
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