Lesson 2 of 8 - learn effective communication skills

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Overview and Table of Contents:

SATISFACTIONS -  7 Relationship
Skills You Need to Know

(Xlibris.com, Philadelphia, PA; 2002)

By Peter Gerlach, MSW
Member NSRC experts Council

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  • site intro > course outline > Lesson 2 study guide or links, site search, or other page > here

the Web address of this page is http://sfhelp.org/books/toc_satisfactions.htm

        Clicking links below will open a full window or an informational popup, so please turn off your brow-ser's popup blocker or allow popups from this nonprofit Web site. If the windows distract you, read the article before following any links.

 This Lesson 2 guidebook integrates most of these Web pages describing a vital co-parent project: (a) learn, (b) apply, and (c) teach your kids seven communication skills to promote life-long effective problem-solving and high-nurturance  relationships. These skills are useful for anyone!

        One of five widespread relationship and divorce hazards is unawareness . Like their  (your) childhood caregivers, most adults don't know how to communicate and problem-solve effectively. Lesson 2 of 8 in this non-profit divorce-prevention site provides communication basics and seven learnable skills to reduce part of this toxic unawareness. When used by Self-led mutually-respectful partners, these skills are pow-erful tools for resolving most family, social, and business relationship and role problems.

      Use this modular guidebook to find practical, experience-based answers to communication and relationship questions like these.

  What's different about this book?

        There are many books, tapes, and programs available to enhance your communication effectiveness. Satisfactions is unique for six major reasons...

It's based on (a) an "inner-family" theory of personality, and (b) a related series of seven learnable skills (below) that promote effective thinking and problem-solving;

This book proposes that effective communication happens when people (a) get current primary, vs. surface needs met, (b) in a way that leaves them feeling good about themselves, their partner/s, and the process between them. I've never seen any other communication materials propose the skill of digging down (below) to identify these true, or primary, needs as requisite for effective communications. Another unique foundation of this book is...

The keystone concepts of R(espect) messages and E(motion) levels. I've never seen these described together in almost 40 years of research and teaching. If you can't describe the five messages  we all decode from each other semi-consciously, you're probably unaware of how R-messages may degrade your most important communications.

This book is one of a kind because it contains Status checks (conceptual reviews and reality checks) and Web-link addresses to many resource articles and worksheets in this site and others. and Satisfactions is unique because it...

Includes (a) a 95-page communication and relationship glossary of selected words and phrases, based on the personality-subself concept; (b) many page cross-references throughout the text, and (c) a thorough index and  to help you quickly find what you seek. Finally, this book is like no other because of...

My unique engineering + business + family-therapy + inner-family training and experience over four decades. For over 30 years, I have studied interpersonal communication skills and taught them to hundreds of couples, adults, and kids. No other published author or group of authors writing about communication skills has my unique meld of training, experience, personality, perception, and motivation. 

        What do you know already about effective communication and conflict resolution? You rely on this learned skill more than any other every day and night to fill your personal and social needs. Your children depend on you and your other co-parents to teach them these vital skills. Are you doing this? To see what you might need to learn more about, try this informal quiz...


 Satisfactions Table of Contents

Acknowledgements .........................................................

 9

Introduction......................................................................

13

BASICS AND THE 7 SKILLS

27

1) Basics..........................................................................

29

2) Communication awareness ...........................................

69

3) Clear (vs. fuzzy) thinking ................................................

115

4) Dig down to primary needs ............................................

140

5) Metatalk: talking about communicating ..........................

191

6) Empathic listening - "hearing with your heart" ..................

203

7) Effective assertion ........................................................

220

8) Effective problem-solving (conflict resolution) ...................

254

9) Resolve your inner conflicts first ......................................

293

10) High-nurturance relationships .....................................

313

11) What would your life be like. . . ...............................

342

RESOURCES

351

A) Summary: communication basics.................................

353

B) A personal Bill of Rights - the basis of effective assertions

362

C) Summary: communication awareness ..........................

 367

D) Summary: clear-thinking skill ......................................

371

E) Summary: dig-down skill .............................................

378

F) Summary: metatalk skill ..............................................

382

G) Summary: empathic-listening Skill ..............................

386

H) Summary: effective assertion .......................................

391

I ) Summary: win-win problem Solving ..............................

395

J) Common communication blocks ...................................

405

K) Selected readings ......................................................

414

L) Communication and relationship Terms ........................

418

Index ..............................................................................

513

ISBN: 0-7388-6960-0 (paperback) and  0-7388-6961-9 (hardcover)

        This is the second guidebook of a series that integrate most of the 150+ articles and worksheets in this non-profit educational Web site. I'd value any questions you have about or feedback about Satisfactions and/or the related co-parent Lesson-2 Web pages. Note that these pages include many practical self-evaluation worksheets and skill-practice exercises. I hope you find these ideas clear, informative, inspiring, and useful!

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Updated  February 22, 2010