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This study guide is the first
article in a
series
describing effective thinking, communicating, and problem-solving concepts.
The series summarizes seven learnable
skills that are essential for building high nurturance relationships and resolving
internal and social conflicts effectively.
Objective - Lesson two will help you (a)
think effectively and (b) resolve significant
communication problems using
seven powerful skills. This is
essential for
effective wound-reduction (Lesson 1), and for achieving stable,
nourishing relationships, including
parenting (Lessons 4-7).
This course will teach you:
how, why, and what adults and kids
communicate;
a two-part definition of effective
communication; and...
seven essential communication skills and
related tools.
Why Study Lesson Two?
Every
day, adults and kids strive to reduce personal and social discomforts - i.e.
to fill current needs.
"Happiness" is an illusive state where our key needs are well-filled at the
moment. Premise - the most
powerful skill you can learn to fill your daily needs is communication. "Thinking"
is
internalcom-munication
among our personality subselves (Lesson 1).
I'm a professional communicator. I've studied this subject for 45 years. My
ex-perience as a therapist, teacher, and a student of human behavior is that
regardless of schooling, average adults have never studied effective
communication, and don't know what they need to know about it. They are content (or
not) with ineffective thinking and communicating.
Over 80% of site visitors who
respond to this poll
say they are "extremely inter-ested" in learning to communicate more
effectively. Does that describeyou? If you are
interested,
consider investing in the unique
Lesson-2 guidebook
Satisfactions,
It integrates the materials in this online Lesson, and provides a
convenient reference.
This
self-study
Lesson has three modules:
basic concepts
seven powerful skills,
and...
useful communication tools and resources,
Study these modules when you're not distracted
and your true Self is
guiding
you. (Lesson 1). Follow the module steps in order - they build on each
other. Check each step off as you complete it to track your progress.
Lesson 2, Module 1 - Learn
Communication Basics
__
2-1) Test your current communication knowledge with this quiz. Then learn about...
__ 2-2) Surface and
primary needs - thesepowerall human behavior, including communicating.
__ 2-3) Communication
basics - What is communication?
Effective communication? Six reasons we communicate, three "channels" we
use, and four simultaneous messages we exchange all the time. One is
crucial, yet few people are aware of it. Can you name it?
Lesson 2, Module 2 - Learn Seven Skills
These skills are based on the concepts above, and build on each other:
Process
awareness - what's happening in you, in your partner, between you,
and around you now?
Effectivethinking. Popular alternatives are fuzzy, unfocused thinking
and/orreactingimpulsively.
"Digging-down" below surface needs to
identify the primary needs that cause them.
Metatalk - using awareness and a
special vocabulary to discuss your communication process.
Empathic listening - hearing with
your heart.
Assertion - saying what you feel and
need so your partner can hear you; and...
Win-win problem-solving (conflict
resolution) - filling all partners' current primary needs well
enough, in a way that satisfies everyone.
These skills are just as effective
among personality subselves as with adults and kids.
Study these in order. Option - study and practice one
skill each week for seven weeks.
__
2-5) Perspective on
personal awareness - the key to
daily satisfaction. Are you aware?
__ 2-6)An introduction to
process-awareness. All
six other skills depend on this one.
__
2-7) Common communication
errors and blocks (2
pages). Use awareness to spot these, and all seven skills to resolve
them among people and your subselves. Print and use this as a reference.
__ 2-8)
Overviews of awareness "bubbles" and R(espect)-messages. Each of these univer-sal dynamics powerfully affect your
communication outcomes, and should be part of your awareness in important
social situations.
Metatalk
skill (2-15) shows you
almost 50 communication variables professionals are aware of.
Most of the time we only need
seven.
__
2-10) An introduction to effective thinking
(2 pages).
Thinking is communication among your dy-namic
personality subselves.
Ineffective (fuzzy, unfocused) thinking hinders effective problem -solving and
causes misunderstandings and frustration. Use awareness to note
how you and others are thinking in important situations and over time.
__
2-11) An introduction to dig-down skill (4 pages
and examples). Use this
powerful technique to discover someone's current primary needs so you
can fill them. This requires awareness and effective thinking skills,
and provides input to assertion and problem-solving.
__ 2-20) an intriguing
excerpt by Dr. James Lynch on why listening can significantly
lower your blood pressure (!)
__ 2-21) A sample Personal Bill of Rights. This +
self
respect + your
integrity
- are the foundations for effective assertion and problem solving skills Use
this sample to design your own Bill. Then USE it with your Self
leading the way!
__ 2-22)An introduction to
assertion skill (2 pages) - say
what you need in a way your partner can hear you. Effective assertion requires
all five prior skills and your Self (capital "S") guiding your personality.
__ 2-26) A introduction
to win-win problem-solving. This vital ability uses all six other skills to help you and any adult or child partner
fill your respective current primary needs. All
seven skills work with your inner family of
subselves
too!
__
2-27) worksheet - an
inventory of your problem-solving
style
__ 2-34)Now retake this
quiz on communication knowledge, and see
what you've learned!
If this seems like a lot of work - it is! The benefits are
well worth the effort - getting more needs met more often, in satisfying
ways, for the rest of your life. Studying these communication basics and
skills will do you little good unless you commit topracticing
them every day and noticing the results. Do you have the commitment to
do this? If not, suspect a false self controls you - see Lesson 1.
To expand the foundation above, study
and use these...
Lesson 2, Module 3 -
Communication Tools
and Resources
__ 2-39) Options for
exchanging respectful feedback with
another person.
__ 2-40)Definitions of
over 70 useful relationship and family terms (3 pages). Using the
right terms and phrases promotes mutual understanding and clarity.
Use this as a reference.
This is the second of eight Break the Cycle! course Lessons.
It aims to combat epidemic ignor-ance on an essential personal
and family asset - how to think, communicate, and problem-solve
effectively.
Premise - kids and adults communicate to fill current needs
(reduce discomforts). This course proposes communication basics
and seven powerful skills anyone can learn to fill needs better:
The Web address of this
index is
http://sfhelp.org/cx/guide2.htm
Objective - Lesson two will help you (a)
think effectively and (b) resolve significant
communication problems using
seven powerful skills. This is
Why Study Lesson Two?