continued from p. 3
illustrate, and model metatalk
- talking cooperatively about the current communication process to
affirm or improve it. For perspective, first read
this, and imagine typical clients
reaction to doing the same.
Why? To assess and resolve
people need to learn
to be (a) process-aware, and and (b) use a special
vocabulary. Metatalk provides descriptive process terms, and uses them with all six
improve spot and reduce most communication blocks. This skill works with
inner (subself) communications as well as social ones.
Review as needed...
the purpose and definition of
the difference between communication
content (the topic/s under discussion) and
the six basic communication
and how they
the learnable communication skill of
the concepts of
the seven effective-communication
Explain and illustrate the prefix
"meta-" - e.g. meta-thinking (thinking about thinking),
meta-singing (singing about singing), and meta-reading (reading
about reading). Then define metatalk as "communicating
metatalk as the skill of
relationship basics, and...
& describing common
to accurately assess communication
The results of metatalk are input to using
cooperative assertion and problem-solving skills to reduce process
blocks and improve communication outcomes (effectiveness).
Ask clients if the skill-concept
makes sense, and respond to any questions they have about how and
when to use it and related skills.
play this skill, using examples of ineffective communication
suggested by the clients. As you do, hilight the results (benefits).
Watch for chances to
demonstrate metatalk skill during typical sessions, and identify it when
Give clients a copy of this
and discuss as appropriate;
Follow up in future sessions to
see if clients are motivated to use metatalk and other skills to
spot and reduce significant communication blocks - specially those
related to their presenting problems. Coach as needed, and affirm
these interactive communication and relationship skills are equally useful in filling the current needs
of personality subselves (inner families) and
Why? Because (a) personality subselves
have the same values and need-conflicts and communication
causing personal "stress;" and (b)
subselves to use these seven skills is just as effective in
reducing inner discomforts and
as with physical people. Most clients are unaware of this.
the concept of normal
and assess participating client's reactions. If they're skeptical,
ambivalent, disinterested, or disbelieving, see these
the idea that each subself is
semi-independent, and has its own perceptions, values, needs, and
the idea that each person's
can communicate, coach, teach, and problem-solve with
using some version of
participating clients haven't experienced that yet, consider using
this experiential teaching intervention.
the concepts of...
and blocks; and...
of these inner dynamics; and...
the difference between surface and
Guide the client/s in identifying
significant situational or chronic internal communication
have 1-up (superior, self-focused)
and refuse to listen to my Self and other
Manager subselves - so we
Guide and/or role-play having the
interest unaware subselves
in the benefits of improving their communication attitudes, skills,
and reflexes - just as the client can do with important adults and
older kids. Then assess the clients' reactions to this experience,
and repeat it if/when appropriate.
Watch for chances in future
client-contacts to (a) re-state and re-illustrate this idea, and (b)
assess whether clients are motivated to try using the Lesson-2
skills with their subselves in calm and/or conflictual situations.
If they're not, consider refocusing on Lesson-1 interventions
learn which well-meaning subselves distrust the Self, and are
sabotaging this learning and inner problem-solving.
up in future sessions to affirm and strengthen clients'
skills and their benefits
Why? Because usually the skills are alien to most clients, and
require repeated reminders, encouragements, and validations to
experiment with them, experience the beneficial results, and stabilize
making second-order (permanent) changes..
+ + +
We've now reviewed
basic Lesson-2 interventions, and specific
skill-building interventions. The last group of related
communication-effectiveness interventions is...
Problem-solving Interventions (with all clients)
fundamental premise here is that often, the way most clients try
to solve their problems is the problem. The theme of the
following interventions is to alert clients to this distinction,
illustrate it clearly in a context they can relate to, and motivate
their learning how to resolve any problem, regardless of the
content, urgency, or people (or subselves) involved.
For perspective, reflect:
on a scale of one ("I'm
never effective at teaching clients to practice effective
problem-solving") to ten
("I'm consistently effective with all clients at this."),
rank your recent effectiveness.
Would professional peers who know your work agree with this rating?
See how these premises about
typical primary needs, social-relationship
problems compare to your beliefs;
Study this overview
and slide presentation outlining
effective problem-solving. Note that
negotiating solutions to most internal and social "problems"
requires (a) each person
to be steadily
their true Sel and (b) fluency in all seven Lesson-2 skills,
starting with awareness.
Tho each intervention can stand alone, the order shown offers an orderly
way to help clients learn and experience a set of communication
fundamentals. Effective clinicians will watch for opportunities to use
each session's process to make these interventions. They don't have to
be made all at once. The most cost-effective way to present these basics
is in a seminar or class for a group of family adults.
Basic elements of these interventions are...
agree without blame that one or
more people and/or subselves have a problem - i.e. have significant unfilled needs.
validate that each involved
subself and person is equal in dignity and worth to each other
subself and person -
regardless of age, gender, race, or other trait. Also agree that the
people involved may differ on the degrees of responsibility they
have, relative to filling everyone'/s needs effectively
until it's a habit, remind
everyone that effective problem-solving (a) fills each person's main
current needs "well enough," (b) in a way that's acceptable enough.
The numbering of these
intervention-topics continues from above.