This is one of a series of articles in online Lesson 2 - learn communication basics and seven powerful skills Progress with this Lesson depends on concurrent progress on Lesson 1 - free your true Self to guide your personality in calm and conflictual times.
This brief YouTube video outlines win-win problem-solving skill. Thye video mentions eight self-improvement lessons in this Web site - I've simplified that to seven:
This worksheet presents sets of constructive and destructive conflict-resolution behaviors. "Constructive" means "helping each person fill their primary needs in a way both people like." Use this worksheet to (a) help you learn how you normally resolve interpersonal conflict, and ways to improve your outcomes; and to (b) promote discussion between you and one or more conflict partners.
This worksheet assumes you're familiar with...
__ __ 2) I accept that conflict over needs, values, perceptions, and priorities is normal and inevitable in all relationships. Im usually willing to problem-solve our conflicts co-operatively, rather than "numb out," minimize, avoid, ignore, manipulate, guilt-trip. aggress, threaten, debate, argue, change the subject, fight, play "yes, but...," and/or shut down, give in, or withdraw.
__ __ 3) In important situations, I consistently check to see if...
__ __ 4) I can _ clearly describe (a) the seven communication skills and (b) the difference between fighting or arguing, and win-win problem-solving. I _ consistently strive to use the seven skills to problem-solve with you when we disagree.
__ __ 6) I usually seek to resolve our major disagreements soon after they happen, instead of letting them pile up and get old and distorted;
__ __ 7) Where needed and possible, I try to reduce major physical and emotional distractions when we need to focus on important conflict-resolution together.
__ __ 8) I _ try to distinguish opinion or values differences ("I like my meat rare; you prefer it well done") from disputes over facts and concrete issues ("we each need the car now.") In our values differences, _ I usually aim to compromise or respectfully agree to disagree, vs. trying to convert you to my way.
__ __ 9) I usually try to _ agree clearly on what we each need at the moment, and then _ try to brainstorm cooperatively on mutual compromises and solutions, rather than focusing only on filling my needs.
__ __ 10) I usually try to _ stay focused on our current needs, and I try to _ work with you to avoid bringing up other issues before finishing the present one.
More constructive conflict-resolution traits...
Become more aware of your conflict-resolution sequences, patterns, and outcomes with young people - i.e. who usually gets their needs met? Find creative ways of helping them learn the seven effective-communication skills. Experiment with communication mapping to improve your outcomes. Option: use these communication-blocks, tips, and phrases worksheets to help, and to track your progress.
Invest several weeks to follow each link in this Web page, and read and discuss the articles you find with your key communication partners. Options: print this and other Lesson-2 articles you find useful and give them to selected partners, including any counselors you may be working with.
Pay attention to your key-communication outcomes, and help each other build the habit of affirming yourself and your partner/s on successful (win-win) problem-solving.
For more perspective and ideas, read this article on "couple karate" and this example of win-win-problem solving in action between a co-parent couple with a stepfamily loyalty conflict. To raise your motivation to learn, try this communication-basics quiz.
The unique guidebook Satisfactions (Xlibris.com, 2nd ed. 2010) integrates the key Lesson-2 Web articles and resources in this nonprofit Web site, and provides many practical resources.
This inventory of common helpful and destructive problem-solving traits builds on the ideas in self-improvement Lesson 2. It follows the premise that effective problem-solving results from partners trying to fill each person's current needs well enough - as teammates vs. opponents. The inventory closes with some options for using it.
Pause, breathe, and reflect - why did you read this inventory? Did you get enough of what you needed? If not - what do you need now? Who's answering these questions - your resident true Self, or ''someone else''?This article was very helpful somewhat helpful not helpful Prior page / Lesson 2