Lesson 4 of 7  - optimize your relationships

LESSON-4 LINK INDEX

By Peter Gerlach, MSW
Member NSRC Experts Council

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The Web address of this page is http://sfhelp.org/relate/links4.htm

  Updated May 22, 2013

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        This is a link index to all the Web site materials in Lesson 4 - optimize your  relationships, including marriage. These articles assume you've made significant progress on self-improvement Lessons 1 thru 3. The Lesson-4 study guide offers a structured way to use (learn from) these articles. These articles and worksheets are evolving, so watch for new ones.

        This brief YouTube video provides perspective on this self-improvement Lesson:

        Lesson-4 Modules:

1)  Relationship Basics

4-1)  A quiz on relationship basics. How much do you know?

4-2)  Perspective on needs - the roots of human behavior

4-3)  Dr. Abraham Maslow's "Hierarchy of Needs" 

4-4)  Requisites for a mutually-satisfying relationship - do you have enough of them?

4-5)  Q&A about relationships. See the Lesson-7 link index for Q&A on stepfamily relationships.

4-6)  Inventory - learn how your attitudes shape your relationships.

4-7)  Perspective on liking and being liked (socially)

4-8)    NEW   Perspective on friendships

Module 2)  Relating to Yourself (Your Self)

        A requisite for relating well with other people is to have a respectful, loving relationship with yourself. Lesson 1 offers perspective and options for (a) getting to know and appreciate the subselves who comprise your personality, and for (b) harmonizing them under the expert guidance of your resident true Self.

        These Lesson-4 articles are among many in all six other Lessons that focus on self-awareness:

4-9)  A sample Bill of Personal Rights. Do you know your rights as a dignified, worthy person?

4-10)  Define your "anger policy"

4-11)  options for forgiving yourself or another person

Module 3)  Resolve Common Relationship Problems

4-12)  Options for analyzing relationship problems

4-13)  Options for resolving relationship problems

4-14)  Overview of nine common barriers to satisfying relationships

4-15)  Options for relating to psychologically-wounded people

4-16)  Options for improving mutual respect

4-17)  Options for improving honesty. Make it safe to tell the truth

4-18)  Options for improving self and mutual trust

4-19)  How to benefit from anger and frustration

4-28)  Options for managing significant resentments

4-21)  Options for reducing shyness

4-22) - Options for managing hostility

4-23) Options for responding to intimidation

4-24)   NEW   Options for responding effectively to prejudice and bigotry

4-25)  Options for resolving boundary problems

4-26)  Preview: Perspective on managing addictions (Lesson 5)

4-27)  Options for reducing codependence (relationship addeiction)

4-28)   NEW   Perspective on giving and receiving advice

4-29)  Options for managing significant jealousy

4-30)  When abuse is not abuse - it's aggression

4-31)   NEW  Paradox: "not hurting someone's feelings" can harm them!

4-32)  Options for improving relationships with co-workers and superiors

4-33)  An illustration of concurrent values and loyalty conflicts and relationship triangles

4-34)  How to resolve values conflicts, impasses, and relationship "cutoffs"

4-35)  Worksheet: How we resolve values conflicts now

4-36)  Spot and resolve Persecutor-Victim-Rescuer relationship triangles 

4-37)  Q&A about disputes over money

4-38)  NEW  Options for adapting to interpersonal rejections and for creating an effective rejection

4-39)  Avoid or resolve legal battles between family members

4-40)  A menu of solutions to common relationship problems

Module 4)  Primary Relationships, Divorce, and Ex Mates

        One reason this Web site exists is to combat the tragic U.S. divorce epidemic. The links here are grouped by Marriage basics, Courtship, and Solving marital problems. Resources for remarriages are part of Lesson 7,

A) Basics

Five marital hazards caused by the lethal [wounds + unawareness] cycle

4-41)  Keys to a satisfying marriage

4-42) Worksheet - a marital satisfaction inventory: how well are your needs met?

4-43) Reprint: “Respect – the Heart of Every Successful Marriage,” by Annie Gottlieb

4-44)  Q&A about primary relationships

4-45)  Q&A about divorce, redivorce, and divorce recovery

4-46)  Perspective on the silent American divorce epidemic

4-47)  16 Alternatives to divorce

4-48)  Worksheet - symptoms of an unfinished divorce

4-49)  Perspective on remarriage  

B) Courtship Articles and Worksheets

        Divorce starts by making unwise courtship decisions.

4-50)  Q&A about choosing a mate

4-51)  Worksheet - common courtship danger signs for childless couples

4-52)  Worksheet - Am I committing to the right partner?

4-53)  Worksheet - When is the right time to commit to a mate?

4-54)  Worksheet - Are we committing for the right reasons?

4-55)  Worksheet - Our primary-relationship's strengths and growth areas

C) Solutions to Common Marital Problems

        These articles add to the "Relationship Problems" articles above.

Review - "Avoiding Couple Karate - Lessons in the Marital Arts," by Anthony Brandt (Lesson 2)

4-56)  Worksheet: ranking our recent priorities 

4-57)  Options for improving marital intimacy

4-58)  Options for resolving marital love dissatisfactions

4-59)  Perspective on same-gender partnerships

4-60)  The real cause of "we don't have enough time together"

4-61)  Perspective on marital affairs

4-62)  Options for reducing mates' sexual problems

4-63)  Options if your mate hasn't grieved the death of a prior spouse.

D)  Ex-mate Relationships

4-64)  Basic perspective on ex-mate relations

4-65)  Q&A about improving ex-mate relations

4-66)  Review - Options for family-stabilizing after an ex-mate remarries.

Module 5)  Adult - Child Relationships

        Relating well to typical minor kids depends on understanding their age-related developmental and special needs and limitations. No matter what their age or circumstances, kids need what all adults need - reliable nurturance - i.e. respect, security, nutrition, stimulation, patience, listening, rest, protection, and help learning from their mistakes. Lesson 6 in this Web site focuses on effective parenting. See Lesson 7 for articles on stepparent-stepchild and stepsibling relationships. 

Module 6)  Relationship with a Higher Power

4-67)  Review - perspectives on toxic and healthy religion and spirituality (Lesson 1)

 Recap

        This is a link-index to Lesson-4 resources about improving relationships. These resources build on Lessons 1 thru 3, and are grouped as:

  • Relationship basics,

  • Common relationship problems,

  • Primary-relationships (basics / dating / problem-solving / ex mates), and...

  • Adult-child relationships

  • Higher Power.

        self-improvement Lesson 4 guides you through using the articles summarized here toward better answering this quiz about relationships. Use these Lesson 1-4 concepts and tools to master Lessons 5 thru 8 in this online self-improvement Break the Cycle! course.

         Pause, breathe, and reflect - why did you read this article? Did you get what you needed? If not, what do you need? Who's answering these questions - your true Self, or ''someone else''?

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