This continues an outline of key assessment-options of a client's metasystem
(system of systems) -
their extended-family plus any currently-impactful social subsystems.
Assessments (for all clients) - evaluate the clients'...
knowledge about bonds, losses, and
healthy three-level grief;
family grieving policy; and signs
of...
significant bonding-block wounds,
and...
unfinished or blocked grief in client
adults or kids.
Premises:
Throughout their lives, all
persons automatically form emotional/spiritual bonds (attachments) with special
living and inanimate things, rituals, dreams, sounds, places, and perceptions. By choice or
chance, these bonds break, causing
Nature provides an effective
process to
adjust to them over time - grieving. However, psychological and environmental factors can
hinder or block mourning. If not corrected, this promotes a cascade of
significant personal health and relationship problems.
Adults
and kids in typical low-nurturance ("troubled") families - specially divorcing
families and stepfamilies - often have difficulty grieving their losses well.
This clinical model proposes incomplete
or blocked grief is one of four or five epidemic family
Preventing and freeing blocked grief, and promoting wholistically-healthy
personal and family
are the main goals of Lesson 3 in this model.
These goals apply to all
families.
Over
several sessions, ask client adults to...
define (a) bonding, (b) losses (broken
bonds), and (c) the process of grieving;
name typical
abstract losses to see if
they realize that grieving applies to more than just the death of a
loved person or pet. And ask adults and kids to...
(a) describe significant abstract and
tangible losses they've
each had in recent years, and (b) the status of their grieving each
major loss; And ask client adults to...
describe (a) the three levels of normal
grief (mental, emotional, and spiritual), and (b) the common
phases in each level; and to...
describe what they believe is
for healthy grief in adults and kids; And ask client adults...
if (a) if they believe grief can be slowed
or blocked, and if so, (b) how, and (c) what blocked grief means to persons and families like theirs. And ask...
if
they know how to identify
or incomplete grief in themselves and other family members - specially
kids; and...
how clients (a) if and when grieving a
specific loss is
"done;" and (b) how they try to
support kids and
adults who are mourning; And ask them...
to
describe (a) what a
is, (b) their respective birthfamily's policies, and (c)
their current family's policy; And ask...
if
(a) any of the client adults or kids are currently
to anything; and if so, (b) how the family is reacting to that.
Rationale: typical addictions are often unconscious (false-self)
strategies to self-medicate the
of grief and/or significant psychological wounds;
if
any family adults or kids have taken, or are taking, anti-depressant
medications. Rationale - significant grief
symptoms (apathy, "laziness," loss of appetite, undesired weight loss, eating and
sleeping problems, trouble focusing) are often misdiagnosed as "depression."
Option - ask client adults to describe their
family's current policies on (a) feeling and (b) expressing sadness and
Rationale: these
semi-conscious policies significantly affect the family's rules and
attitudes about grieving broken
bonds. And assess...
Any other appropriate variables related to
client bonding, losses, and grieving.
Selected
Lesson-3 Resources
Interventions related to these
stepfamily-assessment variables;
The Lesson-3
overview and article-index;
These Q&A
items on healthy grieving;
The
guidebook
Stepfamily Courtship (Xlibris.com, 2002).
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Assessments (all
clients) - evaluate (a) whether client adults have a clear, consensual long-term
family goal - i.e. a mission or vision statement, and (b) if they use
effectively it to manage major family crises and impasses.
Premises:
Families exist in every age and
culture because they're more effective at filling their adults' and kids'
(nurturing) than other social groups. Adults in high-nurturance families
(a) are usually
by their
who (b) have a clear, consensual idea of what
they're trying to fill (nurture) together over time - i.e. family leaders rely
on an unspoken or proactive
to help them make healthy decisions in conflictual or chaotic situations.
Typical
low-nurturance families (a) lack effective adult leadership, and/or (b)
are unclear on their purpose (mission) and live reactively, day to day. Typical
adult members are often significantly
and unaware of the short and long-range benefits of a thoughtful family mission
statement. Therefore, they won't proactively seek clinical help to forge and
implement one.
Implication - with low-nurturance client families,
effective clinicians will assess the
client family adults' current and long-term priorities and goals, and
take (or make) opportunities to propose that their adults evolve and use a
thoughtful vision statement. This is
specially apropos for courting, newly-committed, and troubled stepfamilies.
Ask client adults what the current and long-term purpose of their
family is - i.e. what do they hope to have accomplished together
when they're old? Option - for perspective, invite clients to
commune with their respective
Future Selves;
If appropriate,
refresh the clients on the
concept of a family's
Then ask how they would rate the level of their present family -
specially how well they're filling the
developmental and
adjustment needs of each minor
child recently.
Their response will illustrate how aware they are of
these related needs (unaware > moderately aware > very aware) and what
priority the adults give to filling them;
(a) Discuss and illustrate the
concept and benefits of personal and group mission or vision statements,
and (b) note client reactions (indifference > ambivalence > genuine
interest);
(a) Ask what
the adults use to resolve major family dilemmas and crises now, and (b)
suggest and illustrate the value of using a consensual mission statement
to help manage major disputes and impasses.
Follow up to see if client adults are
choose to evolve and use a family mission statement. If so, ask
them (a) whether they're involving other family members in co-creating
it, and (b) what benefits they all are experiencing from doing so.
Selected Project-6 Resources
Interventions related to these stepfamily-assessment variables;
The Project-6
overview and article-index;
These
proposed traits of a
high-nurturance family;
These
three practical steps for breaking
the [wounds + unawareness] cycle in any family or region;
This two-page
series on family mission
statements; and...
The
guidebook
Stepfamily Courtship (Xlibris.com, 2002).
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Assessments
for courting couples
- specially those with prior kids - evaluate partners' main criteria for
deciding whether to commit to each other and any existing kids and relatives.
Premises: This clinical model proposes that
one of
epidemic Western-family stressors is cultural indifference to
couples choosing the
to commit to, at the
for
This is specially common for courting (stepfamily) co-parents with prior kids,
and promotes their eventual psychological or legal
The model
also proposes that couples can guard themselves and their descendents against
these unwise decisions by patient work together on these
before committing. Few typical couples are aware of the need for
or value of this, and want to work at these Projects.
Implication - effective
clinicians will proactively assess courting client couples for their
vulnerability to making unwise commitment choices for themselves and existing
and future kids.
Early in
the work, assess...
Clients' (a) presenting problems, and
(b) any
they need to resolve now;
The couple's openness to shifting
from their presenting problems to studying and honestly discussing these
courtship
(closed > ambivalent > open). Disinterest, ambivalence, or
approach-avoid behavior to this suggests that one or both partners are
governed by a false self.
And assess the couple's openness to
honestly...
-
acknowledge the
they and their descendents face,
-
study
in the Break the Cycle! course,
-
answer and discuss these three
pre-commitment worksheets
(closed > ambivalent > open);
Selected Project-7 Resources
Interventions related to these stepfamily-assessment variables;
The Project-7
overview and article-index;
The
guidebook
Stepfamily Courtship (Xlibris.com, 2002)
<< main
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project assessment index >>
Assessments (for all
courting, committed, and re/divorcing
adult couples) - evaluate...
any significant wounds in each
partner, if not previously assessed (Lesson 1);
the key strengths and stressors
in the relationship;
the
each mate is trying to fill
with their relationship;
how satisfied with the
relationship each partner has been
recently, and...
how effective the couple is at
resolving significant relationship problems.
Premises:
Our
wounded, unaware, decaying culture currently denies the toxic impacts of...
the widespread [wounds + unawareness]
that promotes...
unwise couple-commitment
and...
couples being unable to
and
effectively. And...
we
or ignore the impacts of psychological and legal
on...
-
personal
and longevity,
-
the
needs and long-term welfare of descendents,
and...
-
the psychological and spiritual
health, wselfare, and growth of our society. And...
Typical lay
people and human-service and media
professionals are unaware of...
-
the common
of psychological and legal divorce, and...
-
how to reduce or
prevent them. This is specially
true of the complex causes of stepfamily divorces. And...
The
quality and stability of the client-couple's relationship is
central to the evolving nurturance-level of their home and family
systems; and...
Conflicted couples who are
court-ordered to seek
professional help usually...
-
made up to three unwise
which can't be undone; and they're...
-
significantly wounded,
and denying, discounting, or ignoring this; and they're...
-
usually snarled in chronic blaming and
defending surface, vs. primary stressors (unfilled needs); and they're...
-
ambivalent about or unmotivated for
significant relationship
unless either mate has hit true personal
Pause
and reflect: how do you feel about each of theses core premises? How comfortable with and motivated are you to do "couples' work"
using some version this model?
Basic
Project-8 Assessments
Based on these key premises,
this clinical model suggests evaluating client couples
over time for their...
presenting (surface) problems; and
their...
degree of denial of serious relationship
(none >
moderate > high); and assess for...
significant false-self
- specially any
blocks (a
Lesson-1 assessment);
and evaluate...
each partner's awareness of what
they each wanted to fill by committing to each other;
and...
what each partner's selected
attitudes and recent personal
are, as illustrated by their
actions, not words; and...
the couple's (a) awareness and (b)
appreciatrion of (vs. ignoring or discounting) their key relationship
strengths; and...
the
couple's awareness and use of...
-
the vital difference between first-order
(superficial) and second-order (permanent)
and...
-
effective-communication
basics and
- specially their awareness of why and
to discern surface and primary needs (Lesson-2
assessments); and assess...
recent significant relationship
(unfilled
needs); and...
the
couple's...
each
partner for unfinished or
of prior significant losses (a
Lesson-3
assessment); and for...
the nature and effectiveness of the couple's
support network, including personal
- (no support > ineffective support > effective support); and assess...
any other couple-system element unique to
this case.
Pause and reflect - how does this set of primary-relationship
assessments compare to your set?
Selected Project-8 Resources
Interventions related to
(a) these couple-relationship assessment factors, and (b) to effective
inner-personal and couple-relationship problem-solving;
This Project-8
overview and article-index;
This proposal of essential
relationship factors,
This inventory of typical
primary-relationship strengths and
stressors; and...
These key questions and answers about
courtship,
relationships, and stepfamily
re/marriage; and...
This three-part
worksheet on stepfamily
courtship commitment decisions; and...
This article
and slide-presentation on
divorce; and...
This
worksheet on
divorce-recovery status; and...
These
on resolving common primary-relationship problems; and...
This
guidebooks for typical
courting co-parents:
Stepfamily Courtship (Xlibris.com, 2002),
.
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